THE CREW

[Douchebag]

we're creeping closer and closer to SUMMER and i think its about time you rotting shitbags met my fucking CREW

these are the guys that make it all happen for me. i've trained each and every one of them everything i know. not only fighting and how to be a BADASS but about planning and preparation. so, here we go

i present to you

MY CREW:



meet A-Bomb. this guy got his name because finishes and DESTROYS anything that steps to him, IF i decide to call on him. sometimes i beat somebody around real good, just kinda toy around with them, especially if i don't take the fight seriously. but then at the end, I'll whistle for A-Bomb to step in and he'll drop fuckers to their knees. he will finish them off when i don't feel like it, or just want the joy of watching somebody else wreak havoc. some of you weak, pathetic little twigs will more than likely will get finished off from A-Bomb so I can conserve my energy for fuckwads like Y2K and smackaholic and other guys i want to DESTROY



this is Rollins. i met this guy when i was beating some ass outside a shopping plaza once and he was impressed with my skills. i told him what i'm about and he instantly wanted to join my team. Sometimes i have him beat ass but i mostly have him around for guidance in a fight. kind of like my caddie. i'll ask him to size up my opponent and see how he thinks i should attack. even though i know WAY more than him about ass pounding, i still like to have him around for his insight on certain situyations, because lets face it, when you're beating dudes down, your head is not thinking straight. one day when i retire he very well could take over the whole operation



this guy is one of my tighest bros. we kick it all the fucking time. dude is fucking MONEY. his name is Slim-J. Slim is responsible for hooking up with and finding the honeys i will be pounding throughout this fucking tour. all these ass beatings will require some nice hot fuckings at the end of the day to ease my mind. this dude has TIGHT game and he can spit it all over the fucking bitches. his job is to pull the ass and bring it back to my Quality Inn hotel where i will fuck these bitches silly.



this guy is pretty new to my crew. his name is Stevo. he is the guy that plans out the whole operation for my basically. he's my secretary, i guess you could fuckin say. he has been dealing with reps from Choice Hotels and Greyhound to get my itinerary scheduled up. he also has high tech, complex radar and tracking equipment to help my hunt you fucking dickwads down when you decide to HIDE in fear of me. i couldn't do this without Stevo, BOTTOM LINE.



this is guy's name is Dice. Dice has to be cool headed and constantly be aware of my surroundings in case any of you dicks pull something fast on me like roll up with weapons or other guys that migfht try to jump me from behind. he is also responsible for pulling me off anybody in case i get to the point where i am about to MURDER you. i don't want to murder if i don't have to. except for the #1 Shit List ranking fucko who WILL DIE.



last but not least we have Steiner. one thbing i want to make clear: when i'm not fighting I DON"T FIGHT. that's right. beating ass is strenuous so when i roll to the clubs and shit i want to keep things cool. that's why i have Steiner to hang with me as my personal bodyguard. he handles mouthy fuckwads when i'm "off the clock" so to speak. rarely do i have to use him because people look at me and don't fuck with me, but sometimes somebody will step to me and i just smirk at them and say, "you fucked up, pal" and Steiner will haul off and deck them. on the fucking ground OUT COLD.

now you've met my crew. tremble with FEAR you pathetic little dicks. ESPECIALLY you PSUFAN. ESPECIALLY YOU

check back on monday for week 2 rankings

[velocet]

Rack! Job well done, holmes.






velocet

[Dinsdale]

drop fuckers to their knees. he will finish them off

:swoon:




Sin,

[PSUFAN]

I can't wait to see these guys decked out in black suits for your FUNERAL. They'll be calling themselves the Pallbearers. Does that do anything for you, needle-dick?

[Goober McTuber]

You guys should put together a website. It would be like a cross between Lee Hotti and Jenny Craig.

[MuchoBulls]

So you're finding your crew at http://www.getoffourisland.com? Now that explains the pink shirt a bit more.

[Felix]

even though i know WAY more than him about ass pounding,

posting tip #137

never restate what everybody already knows.......

[OCmike]

Posting tip #232: When trolling for pics of your crew, never just type "Douchebag" into the box in Google image search.

[Terry in Crapchester]

Throw in Raydah James and you have the makings of a boy band, or the next version of the Icy Hot Stuntaz.

[Dinsdale]

Teryy, Terry, Terry...what are we going to do with you?


Was doing a T1B search for a RJ pic, and a Google for Icy Hot Stuntaz too much for you, or was that just way beyond the realm of your "creative" humor?


You even came up with a great idea, T-Dawg...but you suck so fucking badly, that it never really came to fruition.

Why even bother if on your best day, you come up with a decent theme...and then hoover the shit up so badly that it's rendered worthless?

Are you beginning to realize why you're the standard-bearer for "unfunny douche"?

[Bizzarofelice]

you laughing fuckers will look awful funny without any fucking teeth.

[PSUFAN]

Ha ha! BaceBag got the snub!

[Terry in Crapchester]

Teryy, Terry, Terry...what are we going to do with you?


Was doing a T1B search for a RJ pic, and a Google for Icy Hot Stuntaz too much for you, or was that just way beyond the realm of your "creative" humor?

Geez . . . everyone here already knows what RJ and the Icy Hot Stuntaz look like. I didn't think it was necessary to reset for, oh, about the one billionth time or so.

Or are you saying that you need everything laid out right in front of you? Sort of belies your claim about being the smartest guy on the internets, doesn't it?

[Douchebag]

my boy bace didn't get snubbed. DONT fucking act like you know what's going on here PSUFAN. I AM in control here. NOT you

these guys are my official crew. anybody who wants to step in and help like bace or my boy enigmabag would only be classified as "volunteers." because it takes months and months of rigorous training to be a part of THE CREW

but when it's all said and done i might roll back through the 314 and pound some Busch with bace as we sit back and laugh our fucking asses off at victory! bwahahahahahaha

[Bizzarofelice]

Ha ha! BaceBag got the snub!

I'm just an amused bystander. I've been smacking you bitches around for years now, but I've been keeping you in your place on the internets. He'll be hurting you in real life in ways I never could. I hope he leaves one or two fingers functioning on each of you to inform the next person of the pending doom.

Time for the D to bring his masterpiece to fruition. His plan is as ruthless as it is final.

[Felix]

these guys are my official crew. anybody who wants to step in and help like bace or my boy enigmabag would only be classified as "volunteers." because it takes months and months of rigorous training to be a part of THE CREW

yeah, I get it you're in charge of ass-pounding.....

I never had any doubts......

[Mister Bushice]

Teryy, Terry, Terry...what are we going to do with you?


Was doing a T1B search for a RJ pic, and a Google for Icy Hot Stuntaz too much for you, or was that just way beyond the realm of your "creative" humor?

Geez . . . everyone here already knows what RJ and the Icy Hot Stuntaz look like. I didn't think it was necessary to reset for, oh, about the one billionth time or so.

Or are you saying that you need everything laid out right in front of you? Sort of belies your claim about being the smartest guy on the internets, doesn't it?

He's been posting Grateful dead lyrics in mulitple threads for days like they actually mean something, so he's probably not comprehending much else by now.

[indyfrisco]

So you're finding your crew at http://www.getoffourisland.com? Now that explains the pink shirt a bit more.

Not to mention the puke shells.

[Dinsdale]

I didn't think it was necessary...

Oh, fuck. Here we go...the age old dilemma -- how to convince a tard they're a tard, when they can't grasp the concept because they're a tard?


OK, T-Dawg...what part of "you have no sense of humor whatsoever" are you struggling with?

While that's obviously my opinion, the same sentiment has been repeated enough on these boards by oodles of posters, at some point the laws of "where there's smoke, there's fire" come into play.


So, exactly when did you, a designated humorvoid, decide what you "think" in regards to humor had any bearing on...anything?


Dude...Ken clowned you, for Fuck's sake...what other evidence do you need? Maybe a little less "thinking" and a little more "doing" is in order.


The Tardsa who are sucking the life out of this board need to be dealt with. VBut I'll give you credit for one thing, T-Dawg -- at least you haven't embraced your tardliness to the point where you're falling in the footsteps of the "we'll find our strength in numbers. Individually, we're Tards, but as a group WE CAN TARD UP THE WORLD!!!" while you jump on board any fucking tard wagon that's collectively giggling about getting beaten about the face and head.


So, at least you've got that going for you. It would be a long downward climb for you to get to the bottom rung, despite how badly you're striving for it.

[Jay in Phoenix]

Interesting. It would seem that this "member" of Douchebugger's crew--




--purchased his chest prosthetics at the same place this guy did!




Hey Douchenozzle, tell your bitch-boy Slim-Jism that Jay said, "You can't get away...from hell's heart I stab at thee...for hate's sake... I spit my last breath at thee!"

That ought to make him piss his panties.

[smackaholic]

...... or just want the joy of watching somebody else wreak havoc. some of you weak, pathetic little twigs will more than likely will get finished off from A-Bomb so I can conserve my energy for fuckwads like Y2K and smackaholic and other guys i want to DESTROY

yeah motherfukker, you better just kick back and rest and let that 4 eyed freak do all the lifting before you roll into CT. I want you fresh when you get here punk.

[tuff gong]

this guy is one of my tighest bros. we kick it all the fucking time. dude is fucking MONEY. his name is Slim-J. Slim is responsible for hooking up with and finding the honeys i will be pounding throughout this fucking tour. all these ass beatings will require some nice hot fuckings at the end of the day to ease my mind. this dude has TIGHT game and he can spit it all over the fucking bitches. his job is to pull the ass and bring it back to my Quality Inn hotel where i will fuck these bitches silly.

Wow the hedgehog hair is sa-werve!

I guess A bomb will sit on us while these 2 fellas are gonna scrub us to death with their do's. somebody help!

[Douchebag]

just keep running your fucking mouths

KEEP DOING IT

i'm taking notes on all of you little cocksuckers. i can't wait to hear your laughter turn to cries of pain. i'm getting hard just thinking about it!

[Louis Cyphre]

Hearing cries of pain gives you a boner?

[Jay in Phoenix]

Hearing cries of pain gives you a boner?

Well naturally it does. The puka shells are constricting his quadruple chins in perfect autoerotic asphyxiation fashion.

No wonder dude is sporting a pimple-size perma-chub.

[Felix]

i'm getting hard just thinking about it!

kinda goes along with the whole "ass-pounding" thing.......

frankly, DB is making me a little nervous......

[Douchebag]

it's NOT a gay thing you sick fucking perverts

yes, i get EXCITED at the thought of beating the piss out of some mealy mouthed smack running faggot. i crave to hear their screams when im beating their fucking ass! me and A-Bomb cannot get enough of it

don't turn this into a GAY thing you fucking sicko. i will make you pay MORE for that.

[Mister Bushice]

ji can't wait to hear your laughter turn to cries of pain.

The only way laughter will be turning to cries of pain will be if my appendix bursts after that fool crew rolls up.

Now will you all be carpooling in Moms Windstar, or should I keep an eye out for a squadron of pink vespas?

[PSUFAN]

Douchebag is a faggot - a fucking gay faggot.

I'm not going to enjoy fighting him - but it has to be done

[Jay in Phoenix]

it's A gay thing you sick fucking perverts

yes, i get EXCITED at the thought of beating my meat to some of you guys who will smack me down. i crave for you to hear my screams when all of you are beating my fucking ass! me and GAY-Bomb cannot get enough of it

please, I'm begging you to turn this into a GAY thing. i will make you pay MORE for that.

All fixed up with a pretty pink bow to match your pink polo.

You're welcome.

[Terry in Crapchester]

Dins, you might want to check your genitalia real quick. From your constant whining about anything I post, even when you thought the idea was a good one, it sounds like you could be turning into a woman before our very eyes.

[Louis Cyphre]

Douchebag is a faggot - a fucking gay faggot.

I'm not going to enjoy fighting him - but it has to be done

So, after I take care of DB and his "crew," when they roll into Milwaukee, will I be labeled a "gay basher?"

[Felix]

yes, i get EXCITED.

first you post some pictures of your "crew" (who are obviously closet homo's) then you talk about "getting hard" and now you "get EXCITED" (the excited in all caps is part of your latent nature).....

just admit your gayness and you'll feel much better about yourself.......

[smackaholic]

You bring up a good point, lou. Whuppin' up on the d crew might find you in trouble with the law seein' as the books are full of anti-queer rolling stuff these days.

I suggest you just be quick about it and try not to raise any more attention than necessary.

Maybe some of our legal trolls can hook us up with some tips on keeping us out of trouble concerning such matters.

[indyfrisco]

It's simple.

Douchebag is a douchebag.

We've all fucked up a douche at one time or another. No reason any of us, Cicero included, couldn't fuck up the Douchebag.

Even I, in my faggoty ass Tommy Bahama Hawaiian shirt my wife bought me, could put the Douche-man into a body bag.



on T1B

[Rich Fader]

Oh this will be easy.

When I have my foot on you neck, A-Bomb will come running to your aid. I will slap his glasses off of him and he will be left to fumble around in a familiar position (all fours) looking for his coke bottles like Thelma from Scooby fucking Doo.

From the looks of that doughboy Rollins, he'll just pass out walking to the vicinity that I am choking the life out of you.

When Slim finally exhales, I will clock him in his jaw. End of that threat.

I won't even do any harm to that dripping faggot Steveo. When he steps up, I'll flip him a Hallmark card with your name on it. He will be rendered helpless going Dick Vermeil and crying over such a kind gesture. Ceaser cut queer.

I would kick Dice in the groin, but it doesn't look like his nuts have dropped yet. Since I have my hands free with me stepping on your neck and all, I will untuck his wife beater, rip it off of him, and choke him to death with it. I doubt anyone will even notice his absence the next time two VW Jettas race for pinks.

Then that leaves that fat fuck Stiener. When that bull charges at me, I will lift my foot off your neck and use your half dead carcass as a matadors cape. Hilarity will ensue after I finally finish you off by impailing you on that worthless shitheads spiked dome. While he is trying to shake your corpse off his hair, I will crack a beer bottle over the back of his skull and slit his fucking throat with the shards.

Game over. The carnage would bring a tear to an Autistic Gooks eye.

[BING! BING! BING!]

"If I see him, I will fight him!"

[pron]

I think I need to see a few more pics of her, just to make sure. :)

[poptart]

Next time you want to convince the board that you're anything other than a pitiful disappointment to your lover, set your pose out of eye-shot of the nearest phallic symbol, and save the pocket pool game 'til wifey's safely tucked in bed.

[Ken]

Teryy, Terry, Terry...what are we going to do with you?


Was doing a T1B search for a RJ pic, and a Google for Icy Hot Stuntaz too much for you, or was that just way beyond the realm of your "creative" humor?


You even came up with a great idea, T-Dawg...but you suck so fucking badly, that it never really came to fruition.

Why even bother if on your best day, you come up with a decent theme...and then hoover the shit up so badly that it's rendered worthless?

Are you beginning to realize why you're the standard-bearer for "unfunny douche"?

Wow, no shit. Crappy took an A-1 idea and not only boiled it down to idiocy, but also ruined the opportunity for those more funny (read: T1B memberlist).

Like I said:

[PSUFAN]

The carnage would bring a tear to an Autistic Gooks eye.

fukkin masterful