SHIT LIST RANKINGS - week 2

tuff gong · Post by **tuff gong** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 4:18 am

R-Jack wrote: Porcupiner.

You've identified his secret weapon: he will shoot his quills and their barbed ends will burrow deep in your flesh.

As long as I'm hiding behind R-Jack I might mention that Steiner has beady eyes and a donut chin.

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 10:47 am

greco roman rasslin' silver medalist, heavyweight div
2004 special olympics

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 10:51 am

hey stevo, looks like your gettin' a little ring around the puka. you better bleach that thing. d-bag runs a pretty tight crew and won't put up with such a slovenly appearance.

Steiner · Post by **Steiner** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 4:26 pm

smackaholic wrote:

greco roman rasslin' silver medalist, heavyweight div
2004 special olympics

so i roll out of the rock at 12:30 after a long night of pounding beers and bitches to find this mealy mouthed motherfucker flapping his twat lips? impressive. i'll have DB log that into your file for future notice, as in when DB kicks your ass six ways from sunday. that is, if he's on the clock at that time. otherwise, i'll have to finish his business, and trust me, you'd rather deal with the D than have to deal with the pure PAIN i will rain down on you.

somebody pass me a blunt. stevo, that's a killer bluetooth dude. gotsta get me one of those.

BSmack · Post by **BSmack** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 4:31 pm

Steiner wrote:i'll have DB log that into your file for future notice, as in when DB kicks your ass six ways from sunday. that is, if he's on the clock at that time. otherwise, i'll have to finish his business, and trust me, you'd rather deal with the D than have to deal with the pure PAIN i will rain down on you.

So you tryin to say you could take the D-Bag?

Steiner · Post by **Steiner** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 4:48 pm

BSmack wrote:
Steiner wrote:i'll have DB log that into your file for future notice, as in when DB kicks your ass six ways from sunday. that is, if he's on the clock at that time. otherwise, i'll have to finish his business, and trust me, you'd rather deal with the D than have to deal with the pure PAIN i will rain down on you.
So you tryin to say you could take the D-Bag?

NO you FUCKING IDIOT. that is nOT what i'm sayin'. like the subordinate employee and team player that i am, i work EXTRA hard to keep my boss happy by going the extra mile when i'm kicking the shit out of mouthy pussies like you, BitchSmack.

BSmack · Post by **BSmack** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 4:50 pm

Steiner wrote:
BSmack wrote:
Steiner wrote:i'll have DB log that into your file for future notice, as in when DB kicks your ass six ways from sunday. that is, if he's on the clock at that time. otherwise, i'll have to finish his business, and trust me, you'd rather deal with the D than have to deal with the pure PAIN i will rain down on you.
So you tryin to say you could take the D-Bag?
NO you FUCKING IDIOT. that is nOT what i'm sayin'. like the subordinate employee and team player that i am, i work EXTRA hard to keep my boss happy by going the extra mile when i'm kicking the shit out of mouthy pussies like you, BitchSmack.

So why don't you just work a little extra hard on taking the D-Bag's job? Unmotivated much? Too much of a pussy?

Douchebag · Post by **Douchebag** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 4:54 pm

you shut your fucking mouth, B-Smack. nobody is taking over my throne anytime soon. if it's anyone though, it will be Rollins. when/if i decide to stop beating ass, i will mold him into the ring leader.

but that's neither here nor there. you don't need to worry about it.

just sit down, shut up, and await my fist stuffed down your fucking throat and out your asshole.

Jesus H. Christ · Post by **Jesus H. Christ** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 4:56 pm

douchbag, have you tried much to come to know Jesus yet?

BSmack · Post by **BSmack** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 5:01 pm

Douchebag wrote:you shut your fucking mouth, B-Smack. nobody is taking over my throne anytime soon. if it's anyone though, it will be Rollins. when/if i decide to stop beating ass, i will mold him into the ring leader.

but that's neither here nor there. you don't need to worry about it.

just sit down, shut up, and await my fist stuffed down your fucking throat and out your asshole.

Temper temper D-Bag. Methinks you're getting a little insecure.

Douchebag · Post by **Douchebag** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 5:04 pm

BSmack wrote:Methinks you're getting a little insecure.

you like trivia, right? can I ask you a question?

how exactly are you going to "think" when your brain is splattered all over the fucking sidewalk?

take your time, fuckhole

MuchoBulls · Post by **MuchoBulls** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 5:08 pm

Douchebag wrote:you shut your fucking mouth, B-Smack. nobody is taking over my throne anytime soon. if it's anyone though, it will be Rollins. when/if i decide to stop pounding him up the ass, i will mold him into the ring leader.

FTFY

Stevo · Post by **Stevo** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 5:11 pm

smackaholic wrote:

hey stevo, looks like your gettin' a little ring around the puka. you better bleach that thing. d-bag runs a pretty tight crew and won't put up with such a slovenly appearance.

That's how the necklace is supposed to be, you moron. A little dirt and wear shows that I'm rugged. The bitches down at the Sunglass Hut think I look fucking hot. So fuck you.

But none of that matters. I've got work to do. I spent most of the morning on the phone with Greyhound. We're wrapping up some loose ends, and things are going well. Really well. Tomorrow I'm going to test my radar equipment on some of you dumbshits.

Invictus · Post by **Invictus** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 5:13 pm

I'm digging this thread.

I don't know why I hate the Alliance but like these tards. I guess the new, fresh faces make me laugh.

No doubt, Dan J, SOAB and Sick Fuck are watching this thread, and others like it, with keen interest. Douchebag, you may want to beware any cats lurking near you with lubed up prosthetic dicks.

The Crew and the Alliance possibly fighting: reminds me of that South Park ep "Cartoon Wars" where Cartman and Kyle have one of the gayest, girliest slapfights ever.

BSmack · Post by **BSmack** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 5:17 pm

Douchebag wrote:
BSmack wrote:Methinks you're getting a little insecure.
you like trivia, right? can I ask you a question?

No you can't dipshit. Stick to your usual meaningless posturing. We'll just keep on laughing at you.

Stevo · Post by **Stevo** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 5:18 pm

We're fully aware of The Alliance, and what they're capable of. We don't exactly get along, but we have a mutual respect for each other. In fact, Son of a Bitch used to roll with The Crew until some shit went down. But you don't need to know any of that.

In the end, we're all trying to accomplish the same goal: taking you fucking turds OUT. We're just doing it differently.

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 5:26 pm

When the Crew gets to Pittsburgh, I'm gonna look like a war windmill---fists like iron hammers swinging in endless motion. It's gonna make the nailgun that Stevo took to his own dome seem like his grandmother's teabag by comparison. With each blow to the visage, the crew members will blacken and bluen. I can't wait to disfigure them - can't WAIT.

I've spoken to the cops - I have connections - and they've given me a free pass to go apeshit on the Crew - to kill them, even.

I'll do what I can to end this menace early on.

Dice · Post by **Dice** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 5:32 pm

PSUFAN wrote:With each blow to the visage, the crew members will blacken and bluen. I can't wait to disfigure them - can't WAIT.

Umm, I should tell that more often than not we are NEVER seen when D-Bag arrives for the fight. Some of us are seen and brought into action ONLY if the D makes the call. No, we will be staked out in hidden locations watching everything unveil. This is his fight, not ours. we're just here to help run the operation.

these pre conceived notions of yours are going to get you hurt badly, PSUFAN. And very likely killed.

I've spoken to the cops - I have connections - and they've given me a free pass to go apeshit on the Crew - to kill them, even.

You're lying.

Rollins · Post by **Rollins** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 5:37 pm

Understand that we don't really give a flying fuck whether or not you like us. We're not here to entertain you stupid bastards.

No, we're not.

We're here to beat your asses down and then turn your women out. You know they all want us.

Just as soon as my shift is up this afternoon, I'm going to grab an ICE COLD Bud from Beaver Liquor, kick back in the pad and pop that Cro Cop fight in the vcr. D-Bag's been working on his kicks and might fight a few of you with his hands tied behind his back.

If things go well, I might even break into my special reserve. My boy Dice sent me a couple souvenir forties from the Cardinals world series last year. I hate the fucking Cardinals like I hate some of Steiner's farts, but I do love my Bud, so I pretend I'm at your house fucking your girlfriend's cousin while drinking them.

I've been saving up that sweet nectar age all winter long, and when I finally crack that mess today or tomorrow and sample that Beechwood-aged goodness, it's going to be better than shoving my fist down your throat. Not sure if it will top fucking your sister and her friends this summer, but we'll have to see just how hungry she is for the Rollins, now, won't we?

DAMN, I'M GETTING JACKED!

Choke on your fucking envy, losers. I'm going to get completely WRECKED tonight dreaming about your sister's lactating big tits.

I've been GRINDING on work all day and deserve to party. The awesome notes I've taken on all of you will be MORE than enough to give D-Bag an insurmountable edge as he prepares to wreck your dreams.

Eat me.

SEC Ballsucking Homer · Thu Apr 26, 2007 5:38 pm

I could use a warm-up before Troy State and Florida International.

Except you need to come down South for me to kick your ass, Crew. 92,000+ will witness.

Steiner · Post by **Steiner** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 5:44 pm

Rollins wrote:Understand that we don't really give a flying fuck whether or not you like us. We're not here to entertain you stupid bastards.

No, we're not.

We're here to beat your asses down and then turn your women out. You know they all want us.

Just as soon as my shift is up this afternoon, I'm going to grab an ICE COLD Bud from Beaver Liquor, kick back in the pad and pop that Cro Cop fight in the vcr. D-Bag's been working on his kicks and might fight a few of you with his hands tied behind his back.

If things go well, I might even break into my special reserve. My boy Dice sent me a couple souvenir forties from the Cardinals world series last year. I hate the fucking Cardinals like I hate some of Steiner's farts, but I do love my Bud, so I pretend I'm at your house fucking your girlfriend's cousin while drinking them.

I've been saving up that sweet nectar age all winter long, and when I finally crack that mess today or tomorrow and sample that Beechwood-aged goodness, it's going to be better than shoving my fist down your throat. Not sure if it will top fucking your sister and her friends this summer, but we'll have to see just how hungry she is for the Rollins, now, won't we?

DAMN, I'M GETTING JACKED!

Choke on your fucking envy, losers. I'm going to get completely WRECKED tonight dreaming about your sister's lactating big tits.

I've been GRINDING on work all day and deserve to party. The awesome notes I've taken on all of you will be MORE than enough to give D-Bag an insurmountable edge as he prepares to wreck your dreams.

Eat me.

FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!! THAT'SWHAT I"M TALKIN ABOUT!!! gonna crank up some PAUL WALL and get FUCKING FIRED UP!!!!!11

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 5:46 pm

Damn - is it May yet? When is this shit supposed to go down? It can't come soon enough.

Are you cunts going to cower in the bushes while I shred DB's entrails in a public setting? Know that the Point is surrounded by river on three sides - you won't be able to run. I'll chase you around like a Lenne Lenape brave, and subject your weak bodies to torments largely unspeakable. Your time of intense indignity is fast approaching.

Jay in Phoenix · Post by **Jay in Phoenix** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 5:52 pm

So anyway, after flushing, I noticed about half of the USS Doucheturd had stubbornly bobbed back up from the toilet bowl. With a sigh, I reached for the plunger and began pumping that bad boy back down into the nasty abyss. All at once I heard a strange high-pitched electronic screeching sound. It was emanating from the toilet paper roll. The roll began to vibrate and slowly unwind with a dull rattle. There was typeface on it.

It was a fax. A 3-ply fax with floral scent.

The roll stopped shaking with a bright, resonant ‘ping’!

“What the fuck?” I mused, and ripped off a half dozen type written squares. (screw that Crow bitch, one square my ass!) On the tissue were these words:

--HIDE in fear fuckwad. The D-Bag is goingg to WIPE the floor with you!
YOU are DEAD Jay…dead-dead-DEaD—

Bewildered by this rather odd development, I gave the paper roller a closer look. I mean, come on, a toilet paper fax? Seriously, couldn’t this brain-dead “crew” at least have sent, I dunno, like an e-mail via the mirror or something? Removing the roll, I detected a hole. Feeling a bit of trepidation, I took the stick end of the plunger and shoved it into the opening. “Ouch!” said the hole. “…the fuck?” I replied. I began slamming my fists into the wall, gouging out the drywall. And much to my surprise sat a dazed and confused Stevo, rubbing his left eye. “That hurt you asshole.” He whined.

Goddammit, here was that idiot Stevo, on some sort of restroom reconnaissance. “Eat this dirtbag.” I sneered, and shoved the plunger into his retarded face. (note-I realize that this is an improper use of a plunger, but hey, sometimes you gotta improvise.) Plooka-plooka-plooka echoed off of Stevo as it vacuum sucked his grill. With a resonant ‘pop’ I jerked the plunger free. Surprisingly, Stevos’ hair came off with it. Holy shit, that god-awful dripping eyelash on his dome was a toupee. Stevo is bald as a newborn baby. And he was weeping like one too. His face had a large red corona around it in the shape of a plunger head. His left eye was black and his face was dripping wet dookie.

“Eat Doucheturd slimebag.” I laughed, and crammed the plunger into his gaping cockpocket. “Cothe reth, cothe reth!” he screamed in muffled horror into a Power Rangers walkie-talkie he had strapped to his ear. I think he was trying to say “code red”, but he was eating poop at the time.

Let this be a lesson to you Douchebag. This is only the first salvo and the first victim.

Scratch one Stevo off the list. That assclown Rollins is next.

Slim-J · Post by **Slim-J** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 5:53 pm

The first stop is Tampa. This is going to be real nice. I'm leaving a week before the tour to start scouting the tail and lining up hot sluts for the D. There's some real hot fucking bitches in the greater Tampa area. D-bag prefers small skinny little blonde whores, but he also has a thing for black chicks.

which is great because my game is fucking flawless when it comes to the big bootie hos.

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 5:56 pm

Albekracky is on the list then, right? Flabsteaks ahoy!

Stevo · Post by **Stevo** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 5:58 pm

Looks like we've got quite the bullshit story teller with one, Jay in Phoenix.

I don't think so, dickbag. I'm right here. I haven't left headquarters, and likely won't need to step outside of my cubicle on the Greyhound bus during the tour.

KC Scott · Post by **KC Scott** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 6:01 pm

DB, et al;

I've been practicing finishing moves on the sheetrock of my house:

KC Mac Rib Buster
Shrubber Spine Snapper
TVO Knee Remover
Lutherio Open Heart Transplant
Albanian E One Nut Cracker

You are gonna feel pain beyond all limits known to mortal man.

I'm working on a powerpoint to right now to help you visualize this concept.

MuchoBulls · Post by **MuchoBulls** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 6:05 pm

SEC Ballsucking Homer wrote:I could use a warm-up before Troy State and Florida International.

Except you need to come down South for me to kick your ass, Crew. 92,000+ will witness.

They are in Tampa on June 3rd I believe. You can join Cicero and Co. for the beatdown of the Crew and T'Bag.

Jay in Phoenix · Post by **Jay in Phoenix** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 6:25 pm

Stevo wrote:Looks like we've got quite the bullshit story teller with one, Jay in Phoenix.

I don't think so, dickbag. I'm right here. I haven't left headquarters, and likely won't need to step outside of my cubicle on the Greyhound bus during the tour.

Oh don't play coy with me Stevo. I mean, that shit-streaked toupee of yours is proof enough of what went down. And plastering on three layers of pancake makeup might hide the bruises and the red ridge of rubber burn around your ugly mug, but the truth has been told. You wear your shame like a badge. Now go scurry on back to your bitchmaster Doucheturd and let him know of your humiliation.

Keep up the lies Stevo, and next time I won't let you live to talk about it.

The next can of whoopass I open is going to explode like a nuclear house of fire on that drunken pussy Rollins.

Rollins · Post by **Rollins** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 6:55 pm

Jay in Phoenix wrote:nuclear house of fire

Sounds like Aesop here has taken a fancy to smelling Steiner's farts.

Whatever trips your trigger, Cat. I can't wait to see D-Bag pound your face into 80% chuck hamburger, but spinning your clever little tales won't get us there any faster.

You're no more important to us than any of the other sheep around here, and D-Bag's in "walk down the hill and fuck 'em all up" mode.

Take a number, shit face.

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 6:59 pm

I think I'm gonna finally break down and get me a troll in your honor, rolly. For an avatard, there'll be a pic of you with that fourty, but, it's gonna be hanging out of the other end of your food pipe.

A-Bomb · Post by **A-Bomb** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 7:04 pm

smackaholic wrote:whine whine whine

Shut the fuck up already, loser. My cremated grandmother could kick your ass.

BSmack · Post by **BSmack** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 7:15 pm

A-Bomb wrote:
smackaholic wrote:whine whine whine
Shut the fuck up already, loser. My cremated grandmother could kick your ass.

This guy might just be the biggest douche of the bunch. I bet your teachers had two words for you, "social promotion".

Trollfessor · Post by **Trollfessor** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 7:16 pm

smackaholic wrote:

greco roman rasslin' silver medalist, heavyweight div
2004 special olympics

Rack that.

A-Bomb · Post by **A-Bomb** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 7:20 pm

BSmack wrote:
A-Bomb wrote:
smackaholic wrote:whine whine whine
Shut the fuck up already, loser. My cremated grandmother could kick your ass.
This guy might just be the biggest douche of the bunch. I bet your teachers had two words for you, "social promotion".

I bet nobody here knows what the fuck you are talking about.
I bet nobody here gives a shit either.

Keep running your mouth and we'll see if you are worth my time. Just know that if I put my beer down, you are fucked.

Douchebag · Post by **Douchebag** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 7:34 pm

Attention CREW:

To the war room STAT.

Stevo, bring the fucking coffee this time.

BSmack · Post by **BSmack** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 7:35 pm

A-Bomb wrote:I bet nobody here knows what the fuck you are talking about.

They do because they are smarter than you. Then again, plankton could spot you a few IQ points.

BTW: What's up with your face? Modeling yourself after this guy?

http://deadspin.com/sports/youtube/the- ... 176349.php

MgoBlue-LightSpecial · Thu Apr 26, 2007 7:40 pm

Bwa. Rack BSmack.

Bizzarofelice · Post by **Bizzarofelice** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 7:52 pm

MgoBlue-LightSpecial wrote:Bwa. Rack BSmack.

facetious racks?

Jay in Phoenix · Post by **Jay in Phoenix** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 8:43 pm

Rollins wrote:Sounds like Aesop here has taken a fancy to smelling Steiner's farts.Whatever trips your trigger, Cat.

Aesop? Oh my freaking god, did the piss swiller just make a literary reference? Now then Urinestotle, I wouldn't know about Steiners' lower digestive tracks output or input, as that would be your port of call. But since your all up my business with your fable bullshit, here's a couple for you. There's that one, 'The Sheperd Boy and the Wolf'. That should make something go 'ping' in your dulled, pickled brain. Your crew is blowing smoke and each other. It's going to come back and this wolf is going to bite. And then there's 'The Fox and the Grapes'. That's where the expression 'sour grapes' comes from. You've been eating them for awhile now, you and your crew, petty and jealous with envy of T1B's elite team of writers.

I can't wait to see D-Bag pound your face into 80% chuck hamburger, but spinning your clever little tales won't get us there any faster.

Blah, blah, blah. Shut your yammering, drooling cockpocket. We would get there faster if you feebs wouldn't just sit around circle jerking each other about fighting, and instead, just got on with it. Pot and kettle much Di...errr...Rollins?

You're no more important to us than any of the other sheep around here, and D-Bag's in "walk down the hill and fuck 'em all up" mode.

Take a number, shit face.

Perfect. Underestimate the desert dweller. When DoucheFag marches his lard ass down the hill, huffing and puffing for each wheezing breath, the only hole he's going to find is the one with his tombstone on it. We're famous for our Tombstones here in Arizona.

What size hangin' rope do you wear Rollins? And let me know the rest of the crew's neck sizes too, plus or minus the pukas.

Hang in there faggots.