Week 4 SHIT LIST RANKINGS - CANCELED

[Douchebag]

In 45 minutes, i'll have boarded a greyhound in route to

PITTSBURGH

enough fooling around. im taking matters into my own hands. i am going to find out what happened to slim and i will find him (dead or alive) and then i am going to HUNT DOWN PSUFAN. the rest of the tour means NOTHING at this point. i must take care of these two missions

Rollins - i'll meet up with you when i arrive. i got my phone restored again. but i'm also carrying my laptop. MAKE SURE i can reach you

we need to seriously keep in touch better. this shit is vital

[Jay in Phoenix]

When you get there Douchie, say hi to PSUFAN. He ought to look something like this...

[MuchoBulls]

"The Crew" has already fallen apart. What a shame.

[Douchebag]

shut your hole. don't distract me from what HAS TO BE DONE

A-Bomb, Stevo, Dice - hold the fort down until i get back. and don't spend any of the money in the fucking Dill pickle jar i have in the breadbox. we'll need every last dollar especially after half of Slim's merch money got flushed down the shitter.

[Tom In VA]

I always knew that PSUFAN guy was smart in a Hannibal Lecter kind of way.


I'm going to RACK PSUFAN, just because I know what's good for me.

[Cuda]

In 45 minutes, i'll have boarded a greyhound in route to

PITTSBURGH

Just in time for laundry day.

I hope it isn't dreary there as usualm

Say hi to becs & doreen (try & get dennard's $30 back if you can)

[Rollins]

I found him.

Judging from the stuff at the crime scene and the identical match of Slim's veneers and $4000 Paul Wall grill set, I'd say we lost our man in this hell hole.

RIP, brah. You and that fine ass you pulled 24/7 will be missed.






I stole a black t-top Z28 over lunch and am headed back to Macon, D-Bag. Dice and I were planning on hooking up and playing some Castlevania tonight. Give me a shout if you want to bring over some Bud 40's and chill with us..

[RevLimiter]

I always knew that PSUFAN guy was smart in a Hannibal Lecter kind of way.


I'm going to RACK PSUFAN, just because I know what's good for me.

AWESOME sig line...and one D-Bag might wanna roll with, SOON.

[A-Bomb]

I feel bad for that boy toucher PSUFAN. Usually the D is tempered by the entire CREW, but when he's on his own he is all business.

When this shit goes down it will be quick and thorough. Sucks for PSUFAN but the D is a master at the beatdown.

[Douchebag]

there will be no Bud Bash tonight, Rollins.

you fucked up and now i need to get us out of this mess.

Steiner gets out of control, Slim dies, and you fail to capture PSU...and I'm supposed to act like everything is cool and party with you tonight?

FUCK THAT

i'm on my way to The Burgh in search for PSUFAN. Stevo will be helping me as much as possible

you clowns sit tight at headquarters and wait for me to return.

when i do, we'll discuss who's still in and who aint

PEACE

[Goober McTuber]

headquarters

I laughed.

[PSUFAN]

Come my way, bitch. COME MY WAY.

Saturday was fucking beautiful. I went down to the Point - LIKE I FUCKING SAID I WOULD - and hunkered down. My fame and renown is starting to really spread now. All of the rightful trim was assembled at the point, throwing frisbees, lounging in the sun, texting their bitch friends. I rolled up on them, and the air became thick with estrus that had MY name on it.

I chatted with some honeys - PGH is fully stocked, my brothahs - and kept an eye peeled for the Bag Crew. That pussy ROLLINS siad to wait until after 5:30, so THAT'S WHAT I DID.

At 7:30, I started getting a little bit fucking tired of waiting. Just as I told myself they only had a few more minutes, I FOUND those fags.

They loped over to a stand and lined up and bought Diet Pepsis with lemons (gay!). They had blank stares and mouths slightly agape. They had the requisite dim-bulb looks on their greasy mugs that folks in the know naturally attribute to native Georgians.

No sign of Steiner. I guess that fat queer really let them down...they sure needed him. The funniest part of the Bag Crew is that they are all pretty fucking tiny in real life. Steiner and Douchebag are probably just pear-shaped dudes that LOOK big...but really, they're small compared to your average Burgher.

When I recognized Slim, I started FROTHING AT THE MOUTH. I was totally out-of-control PISSed at that asshole. This is the kind of dude that you HAVE to step to IMMEDIATELY - he's that fucking lame. I leapt vertically 6 times, and then tore right out making a brutal line for Slim. The blood boiled in me, rose to my ears as I ran HARD right at Slim.

There was a small group from the Birkenstockracy that wheeled into my path, as they "sacked" around with a footbag. I yelled "GET THE FUUUUCK"...and then plowed RIGHT INTO two of them. My cleats churned them into the mud and they wailed like birka'ed Afghaniskanks at a Wedding Kill. My gait was barely interrupted and they were whooping in pain and I ripped onward.

Rollins was the first to see me. he screamed "LOOK UP!!!" and Slim and he turned and took in the dreadful tableau. All I knew was that Slim had to go DOWN, RIGHT AWAY...and I surged forward with everythign i had.

Slim kind of nodded with his shoulders and head a few times, and it looked like he was gonna put up a hand to shake. Rollins started bleating YO YO YO YO and slumped back on his heels. With a loathsome PAPPP sound, my sinewy mass SLAMMED into Slim. He slammed into the grass, and I stayed on him, cracking him HARD in the face over and overwith my fists. as my fists pistoned and the red spray flew, I began to catch the rank odor of Club Cologne. Slim had shown up to fight doused in perfume! FACK, I was pissed then. I vaulted straight up and came down with my cleats on his chest, then AGAIN. Rollins was cringing in fear, and as Slim's bladder relaxed, Rollins started scrambling away and emitting a high-pitched bitch wail.

Slim was fucked up now. my cleat had punctured his chest, right under his sternum. I reached down and tugged at some dull pink fleshy thing that was working out of the hole. I was yanking on his DIAPHRAGM. It gave under my thumb and I got even more pised and PULLED that shit out. Slim started shrieking like Raydah James at a bathhouse - just disturbing, wrenching, high tones - and I took my elbow and CRUNCHED it into his mouth HARD and cracked his palette. He gurgled around my arm, and I ripped it out and looked up for Rollins. He was about 50 yards away, doing some kind of beaten sideways shuffle across the grass. I got up FAST - Slim wasn't going anywhere - and tore off after Rollins, closing fast.

Just before I ruined him with a slide-kick, I heard, "Hey, Dave!" It was one of my wife's friends. I had to stop and talk to her and be nice, and I told her, "aww, I LOVE cilantro, yeh - me too" and that kind of shit. My wife's friends will let her know if you don't stand there and shoot the shit with them. Even though I was burning to wreck Rollins, I was stuck...and he got away. By the time I was able to start out again, he had totally fled the scene.

I went back to Slim...and he was GONE. I knew he didn't walk away, so I started scanning the perimeter of the Park. Over on the Monongahela side there's a thin line of trees, and there was some kind of commotion up behind the Point Blockhouse. I sprinted over, knees rising up high into my chest in my fury to haul ass, and saw that some local Wiggers had dragged ruined Slim over and they were BURNING him, man. They all had zippos fired and one guy was squeezing fluid onto him. Slim was squirming as flames began to engulf him...but otherwise, he was perfectly fucking silent - he was FUCKED, man, FUCKED.

See, I fully intended to KILL Douchebag, but I wasn't sure about murdering and other Bags. I think I'd probably beat Enimabag CLOSE to death, but he's done me a few favors, so I would hold up. So, I suddenly had mixed feelings about brutally ending the life of a shithead like that, even though he REALLY deserved it. It was out o fmy hands, though...with all of that perfume and lighter fluid soaking him, and hte flames surging, Slim was close to death already. So, I was like "FUCK IT!" and I picked up a stick and started to cracck him in the face because I was PISSED again. his last sentient moment, he just looked sadly at me and mouthed "why?" But this time I wasn't having it...I was glad to see him blackened and ruined there.

COME MY WAY, Douchebag. This is gonna get UGLY for you, and I can't fucking WAIT.

[PSUFAN]

BTW - when you're beating down a Birkenstocked Phish fan, isn't it strange how they give you this look like they know it's the right thing for you to do? It's not easy being an Instrument of Destiny.

[Rollins]

I'm a liar. Listen to me as I lie my little white lies. Oooooh! Everybody loves a good liar!

Pulled over to grab some orange soda and slim jims (to pay my respects) at a truck stop, and lookie-lookie at the disrespect I see.

I wasn't even there until Sunday morning, DICK. I had to roll through the last of the Pork Riblet shipment and then break down our FUCKING BOOTH.

I'm going to be quiet now, but just you wait, liar. After I channel all this pent up RAGE into a Castlevania high score this evening, the living members of the Crew are going to figure out a way to deal with you and your lying ass.

[Stevo]

I too sense a LOT of bullshit steaming from that story.

It doesn't matter though.

Slim is dead, regardless of PSU's sketchy story.

And now PSU is going to pay for what he has done. He's going to pay with his life.

And he ain't gonna be put down peacefully.

[Douchebag]

you guys just relax and let me take care of this.

i'm on the greyhound and will spend the entire trip thinking of how i'm going to KILL psufan

oh yes! things are going to be fine! Just fine! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

[the_ouskull]

Nothin', man. Just outin' a few trolls.

the_ouskull

[The Seer]

Well that settles it for me. I hear all badasses ride Greyhound....

[Revlimiter's Torn Anus]

I always knew that PSUFAN guy was smart in a Hannibal Lecter kind of way.


I'm going to RACK PSUFAN, just because I know what's good for me.

AWESOME sig line...and one D-Bag might wanna roll with, SOON.

Paul, was it absolutely necessary for you to wear the ill-fitting coaches shorts ALL weekend? Man, it is just a chamber of horrors down here, Buddy.

[Ponyboy]

Oh man. That looks like Johnny when he got pulled out of the church. Thank God Dally ain't alive to see that. Who knows what he would do.

Man that's tuff. You need a weed?

[Mister Bushice]

A-Bomb, Stevo, Dice - hold the fort down until i get back.

I don't think they'll have too much trouble, unless they try and use the emergency exit slide.

[KC Scott]

[RevLimiter]

A-Bomb, Stevo, Dice - hold the fort down until i get back.

I don't think they'll have too much trouble, unless they try and use the emergency exit slide.

Excellent.

[A-Bomb]

your entire pathetic existence has jumped the shark, dork boy.

[Jay in Phoenix]

your entire pathetic existence has jumped the shark, dork boy.

Ahhh, wassa' matter gAy-Bomb, did your vagina just get rubbed raw by the truth? Hell, even I think your passe.

Or is that pussy?

Sin,

[quacker backer]

a lot of gross shyte

hey
people are eating here!!!!!