Calling Dog & Stuckina

BSmack · Post by **BSmack** » Thu Jun 28, 2007 6:38 pm

The Jackasses need to know a little more about you. Please post any and all relevant or irrelevant information here.

stuckinia · Post by **stuckinia** » Thu Jun 28, 2007 6:50 pm

What kind of information are you guys looking for?

Felix · Post by **Felix** » Thu Jun 28, 2007 6:59 pm

stuckinia wrote:What kind of information are you guys looking for?

what size shoe do you wear?

stuckinia · Post by **stuckinia** » Thu Jun 28, 2007 7:01 pm

Felix wrote:
stuckinia wrote:What kind of information are you guys looking for?
what size shoe do you wear?

Does Irie participate in this league?

ucantdoitdoggieSTyle2 · Thu Jun 28, 2007 7:05 pm

stuckinia wrote:Does Irie participate in this league?

Not this one, no. However... he's in the Wheelchair Division over at .Net

Felix · Post by **Felix** » Thu Jun 28, 2007 7:12 pm

stuckinia wrote:
Felix wrote:
stuckinia wrote:What kind of information are you guys looking for?
what size shoe do you wear?
Does Irie participate in this league?

you know, answering a question with a question is strict violation of league policy......this isn't going well so far....

#2. Are you a fan of the NY Yankme's?
(you're answer here could make or break your chances, so choose wisely)

stuckinia · Post by **stuckinia** » Thu Jun 28, 2007 7:20 pm

I am an Oriole's fan. In fact, I should probably go start a thread in the MLB forum about how my sucky team is now great because they have won 2 in a row from the Stankees.

orcinus · Post by **orcinus** » Thu Jun 28, 2007 7:39 pm

Nice whiff, Stuck.

With a chance to end the discussion with a one-post knockout, your paltry response was equivalent to one of those home school spelling bee dorks tripping over a cable on the way to the podium. Then, just like our fallen hero, you follow up this gaffe by pissing yourself silly out of sheer embarrassment.

"Does Irie participate in this league?"

This is your moment to shine, Stuck; an opportunity to sell yourself in front of the Jackass collective and show your value as a prospective owner.

Don't worry, though. I'm sure the fact you're a Baltimore Orioles fan will bode well in your favor. That wonderful gem of knowledge most certainly has you seated in the fabled cat-bird seat right now, as far as this league is concerned.

At this point, I don't think Dog even needs to respond.

stuckinia · Post by **stuckinia** » Thu Jun 28, 2007 7:54 pm

So it appears I am to endure a sort of smack gauntlet. I stumble through this thread in hopes of impressing only to feel the sting of your wit. The past 15 years of being a Skinsfan has prepared me to bear the best you guys have to offer.

orcinus · Post by **orcinus** » Thu Jun 28, 2007 8:23 pm

D+

At this rate, you're only going to get a couple more looks before we option you down to Bowie, Stuck.

Dog · Post by **Dog** » Thu Jun 28, 2007 8:34 pm

Jon Stewart's supreme wit mixed with Jon Belushi's build and a little bit of detached vulgarity. I like caramel gumdrops on top of neopolitan snowcream, or nipples. Mostly just nipples.

I'm languishing in diminished capacities.

Into bondage, always horny.

Shoe size 11.

Life long Cubs fan which probably has led to my masochist tendencies.

I'm open to questions.

Bucmonkey · Post by **Bucmonkey** » Thu Jun 28, 2007 8:39 pm

Dogs Av is a bit funnah.....

Dog · Post by **Dog** » Thu Jun 28, 2007 8:43 pm

My av:

Stuckinia in the black shorts, me in the red, white and blue.

orcinus · Post by **orcinus** » Thu Jun 28, 2007 8:43 pm

Now that's how you make an entrance.

Dog - 1
Stuck - 0

We move on to the Q&A portion of the interview.

First question to both of you ...

In the JFFL, we require a $50 franchise fee from all owners prior to the auction draft. Do you have the required fee on your person at this time?

If the answer is no, we'd like to know what you spent it on instead and, specifically, how you intend to raise the necessary funds before the league deadline.

Dog · Post by **Dog** » Thu Jun 28, 2007 8:48 pm

If I recycle the pile of beer cans culminating in my driveway, I can pay for not only my franchise fee but also my opponents (I'm assuming Stuckinia is my opponent).

Otherwise, I'll just have to use my wife's paypal account.

Neely8 · Post by **Neely8** » Thu Jun 28, 2007 9:02 pm

Dog wrote:If I recycle the pile of beer cans culminating in my driveway, I can pay for not only my franchise fee but also my opponents (I'm assuming Stuckinia is my opponent).

Otherwise, I'll just have to use my wife's paypal account.

He sounds like he would fit right in at the draft. Do we take Paypal???

Dog · Post by **Dog** » Thu Jun 28, 2007 9:44 pm

Okay, I'm T minus 78 minutes from vacation and I'm trying to hang around to complete this audition, but if you don't hurry up and get on the ball, I'm going to be gone and you'll be stuck with stuckinia.

It goes against my moral upbringing to be on a computer during hours in which I am not earning a wage, therefore if we don't finish this up soon, it will be July 9th before I even have another opportunity to respond.

*snap snap*

orcinus · Post by **orcinus** » Thu Jun 28, 2007 9:51 pm

Quick of wit and prone to the occassional ultimatum, to boot.

StuckandMIA has his work cut out for him.

The next 70 minutes could get interesting.

Swing for the fences, Stuck.

Dog · Post by **Dog** » Thu Jun 28, 2007 11:13 pm

Okay, so I just read the "Calling all Jackasses" thread and now I understand a little bit more about what I'm competing for:

The opportunity to lose $50 to some pseudo-anonymous innerweb buddies. I don't think any of you are buddies just yet, but after you take my $50, I'm sure you'll want me to come back every year to pad the pot.

So, you want board history? I'm an admin at "the other site" that is overwhelmed by tards that has a similar name to stuckinia. I tend to wander over here when I need something funny to read, as that site has lost it.

I believe that I am single-handedly responsible for making Livewithmom disappear. I got under Bitch's skin so bad she lobbed a call to my boss. When she realized that every member on her site was haning with me on another site, she banned them all. But I don't really care much for the "sands through the hour glass" shit that goes on between message boards.

So now you know my "board credentials" I need to play my hand properly.

Since I'm going on vacation to NoCal, I want to make sure my spot is reserved for me when I get back. I've been around boards long enough to know that you guys really only want one thing:

So here it is:

[img]img029.jpg[/img]

a pic of the wifey's tits.

She's no Monen, but she's probably cuter and definitly much richer.

stuckinia · Post by **stuckinia** » Thu Jun 28, 2007 11:21 pm

I know when I am outclassed. I withdraw my name from consideration and bow down to Dog.

Rack him.

Dog · Post by **Dog** » Thu Jun 28, 2007 11:35 pm

stuckinia wrote:I know when I am outclassed. I withdraw my name from consideration and bow down to Dog.

Rack him.

In that case, I will remove the pic of the wifey.

I hope you all right-clicked, cause you probably will never see it again.

stuckinia · Post by **stuckinia** » Thu Jun 28, 2007 11:47 pm

Dog wrote:
stuckinia wrote:I know when I am outclassed. I withdraw my name from consideration and bow down to Dog.

Rack him.
In that case, I will remove the pic of the wifey.

I hope you all right-clicked, cause you probably will never see it again.

Great, now I won't be welcome in this forum. I should have held out a bit longer to prolong the boobal exposure.

poptart · Post by **poptart** » Thu Jun 28, 2007 11:52 pm

RACK this thread!

orcinus · Post by **orcinus** » Fri Jun 29, 2007 12:00 am

You going to sit next to me at the draft again this year, 'tart?

Good times.

poptart · Post by **poptart** » Fri Jun 29, 2007 12:04 am

Where are your dogs gonna sit?

orcinus · Post by **orcinus** » Fri Jun 29, 2007 12:22 am

If you scratch them behind the ears a bit, they'll probably fall asleep in the corner on one of your tennis skirts.

Might want to watch out for the pup, though. He's prone to the occasional accident.

stuckinia · Post by **stuckinia** » Fri Jun 29, 2007 2:03 am

I know this is a bitch move considering Dog has left for vacation, but I feel I was short changed in this thread. I would just like to offer a little bit of boring shit about me. So just sit back and pretend yall are fags, like smackaholic watching Larry King interview Paris.

I am a boring guy. I sit at home most nights, drink beer, and wonder how long until football season resumes. I follow other sports; however, football is the only sport I will watch fanatically. I was MIA for most of this thread because I left work early to take my dogs to the dogpark because the weather was tolerable for the first time in a week. Iowa is a dump of a state so I do not want anyone assuming I am a native of this terlet. I am from Virginia…errr…another dump of a state.

Aside from T1B, the only other board I frequent is a Redskin homer board. Their homerism is beginning to get to me, so it is possible that I would draft ALL Redskins in the JFFL draft considering every offensive player will break records. Campbell, Portis, Moss, Cooley, etc. If nothing else, the Skins will own the NFC East. Stick it in your butts Cowturd and Eagle fans. Giant fans do not rate.

I am not going to bribe yall with my wife’s titties. Tat-posting seems like a premature desperation move considering the complete dumbfuckery I had previously offered. If my wife’s boobies were ever exposed on this board, I would be forced to employ the services of DanJ and the Alliance to wipe out the board and the Douchebag Crew to eliminate all of its users.

As far as the fitty buck entrance fee goes, how much would you guys pay for pics of my wife’s titties?

orcinus · Post by **orcinus** » Fri Jun 29, 2007 2:09 am

He's not dead yet, Jim.

Rack the idiot out wandering around with his dogs.

Looks like you have a couple weeks to get in some free haymakers, Stuck.

Launch when ready.

War Wagon · Post by **War Wagon** » Fri Jun 29, 2007 2:39 am

Dayum!

Every year we've scambled to fill that last spot or two, usually right before the freaking draft. But now we have what appears to be two well qualified applicants practically kicking down the door to get in?

On the one hand, this is a good problem to have. On the other, I'd hate to see either of these fine gents lose out on their opportunity to achieve Jackass immortality.

Decisions, decisions....

In the final analysis, and whenever faced with a JFFL quandary of this magnitude, I'll default to what has always worked out well in the past.
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Put it all on orc's shoulders and MAKE him decide.

stuckinia · Post by **stuckinia** » Fri Jun 29, 2007 3:25 am

Excellent, I was hoping for a War Wagon appearance.

I have modeled myself after him. I drink horribly shitty beer, usually Miller Lite or PBR. I have also just bought a house with my wife that A) does not have central air and B) has a potentially disastrous hole in the fence that could lead to the early demise of one of my dogs if I am not careful.

Have I missed any of the War Wagon clichés?

orcinus · Post by **orcinus** » Fri Jun 29, 2007 3:28 am

War Wagon · Post by **War Wagon** » Fri Jun 29, 2007 3:41 am

stuckinia wrote: Have I missed any of the War Wagon clichés?

Have you ever operated a forklift?

stuckinia · Post by **stuckinia** » Fri Jun 29, 2007 4:25 am

War Wagon wrote:
stuckinia wrote: Have I missed any of the War Wagon clichés?
Have you ever operated a forklift?

No, but I have used some of these:

and

I definitely enjoyed the time I spent with both of them. The pay may not have been much, but the stories…well…they are not much either. In fact, my memories of working with those pieces of shit are not fond. They suck. Do you realize how easy it is to roll over your foot or ankle with one of those stupid machines? Wait a minute, who am I talking to? Of course you know. For what it's worth, I do not particularly enjoy my current job either.

kcdave · Post by **kcdave** » Fri Jun 29, 2007 4:29 am

hehe

Nice thread for a change.

I'd love to see 80, maybe 90 people in this league. Expanded rosters including long snappers and punters would make things interesting also.

Dog, have a nice trip. You are a funny dude. I will make a point to read your posts from now on.

Stuck, I was hoping you'd win til I read the dog park thing. WTF? Dude, you live in Iowa. The whole state smells like cow shit, and they make you drive really slow, just so you can endure the stench of the methane. Why the hell is there a dog park any where in the state? Do they scoop the dog shit up in large piles also, to make the state stink worse? Fucking dog parks in Iowa! BWA!

stuckinia · Post by **stuckinia** » Fri Jun 29, 2007 4:52 am

kcdave wrote: Stuck, I was hoping you'd win til I read the dog park thing. WTF? Dude, you live in Iowa. The whole state smells like cow shit, and they make you drive really slow, just so you can endure the stench of the methane. Why the hell is there a dog park any where in the state? Do they scoop the dog shit up in large piles also, to make the state stink worse? Fucing dog parks in Iowa! BWA!

Correction, the state smells like pig shit. The farmers here unload those pig lagoons all over the corn fields. How else do you think your corn would taste so yummy?

I live in Iowa City. That should be explanation enough, but let me break it down for you. Unlike the rest of this desolate state, the pinkos in Johnson County have money to burn. Since some of it is my money, I have decided to associate myself with the lowest common denominator in order to wear my dogs down so they will leave me alone for the rest of the night. As far as the scooping of dogshit, we pick it up in little bags and put it in little trash cans. I assumed we simply shipped it to Missouri in exchange for cheap fireworks. Or does our southern border have more to offer? (other than actual professional sports teams)

Qbert · Post by **Qbert** » Fri Jun 29, 2007 4:58 am

kcdave wrote:hehe

I'd love to see 80, maybe 90 people in this league. Expanded rosters including long snappers and punters would make things interesting also.

YAHOO FANTASY FOOTBALL!!!!!

They CAN "do it" for all 80 or 90 of US!!!

~Sin
kcMCRibcage

War Wagon · Post by **War Wagon** » Fri Jun 29, 2007 5:25 am

stuckinia wrote:I assumed we simply shipped it to Missouri in exchange for cheap fireworks. Or does our southern border have more to offer?

Cheaper cigarettes, cheaper booze, cheaper gas. All the important things.

Ask Mace.

Oh, and keep your pig farms. We've got some we'd like to export up to that cesspool. Got's to keep them close though, because damnit, we like bacon.

stuckinia · Post by **stuckinia** » Fri Jun 29, 2007 5:34 am

War Wagon wrote:Cheaper cigarettes, cheaper booze, cheaper gas. All the important things.

Our states should merge if that is the case.

War Wagon wrote:Ask Mace.

I assumed he was more interested in the sheep.

War Wagon wrote:Oh, and keep your pig farms. We've got some we'd like to export up to that cesspool. Got's to keep them close though, because damnit, we like bacon.

Remember, nothing smells worse than driving through Nebraska. What do you think put the ass in Nebrasska?

Felix · Post by **Felix** » Fri Jun 29, 2007 2:06 pm

stuckinia wrote: No, but I have used some of these:

jhawk fridge resets are always funny.....

BSmack · Post by **BSmack** » Fri Jun 29, 2007 2:44 pm

War Wagon wrote:Put it all on orc's shoulders and MAKE him decide.

Nope, we'll have a poll thread over at the clubhouse.

It's going to be tough. Both guys appear to be worthy.