(g) (Rumplepics) Hope for Douchebag (!)

Truman · Post by **Truman** » Fri Jan 11, 2008 2:33 am

...If our own resident up-collared-spike-haired-pink-shirt-puka-shell-wearing-bad-ass wasn't so bent on exterminating half the Board and too busy rubbing pee-pees with Rollins in the privacy of his out-of-town Super 8 motel room, he mighta had "game" enough to make this Web site:

http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Then again...

Maybe not.

SaladTosser · Post by **SaladTosser** » Fri Jan 11, 2008 3:32 am

Bwah! That site is fucking solid.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Fri Jan 11, 2008 5:55 pm

A lot of people have asked me how you identify a Midwestern 'bag.

Midwestern 'Bags are clearly not as douchally refined as the ubersquats from 'bag/hott cesspools like Dallas, Atlanta, Miami and L.A.

The key to pegging a Midwestern 'bag is the hint of confusion and awkwardness that lurks within their attempts to douche it up.

They can't quite get the hand gestures or hat tilt to proper affect. Their Kissy Lips don't quite congeal to proper nauseating expression. And they have yet to master the 'Bag Headbutt into their woman.

But they're trying.

With the full corn fed effort of America's heartland, they're trying.

Douchebag · Post by **Douchebag** » Fri Jan 11, 2008 6:21 pm

The Crew will NOT be disrespected like this. this must END

yeah, we pound hot skanks and get fucked up. what of it? i'll fucking KILL you. ALL of you

Rollins · Post by **Rollins** » Fri Jan 11, 2008 7:10 pm

Go fist yourself with a grenade, cheesedick. The tour did NOT fail. There were just a few minor setbacks, assbag.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Fri Jan 11, 2008 7:15 pm

Jsc810 wrote:How To Actually Win A Fist Fight.[/url]

Not a bad primer for a chump, I suppose, except the author really screwed the pooch and made a couple of huge suicidal gaffes --

If your opponent has you from behind in a standing position, there are three moves you need to be doing over and over in succession or simultaneously until you break free:

Backwards Headbutt - keep flinging your skull back toward their nose. If you make contact, freedom awaits.

Certainly one of the worst things you could possibly do while in standing rear-control. Would be VERY stupid.

If you’re on the ground and wrapped up, you need to do the following things as quickly as possible:

Get on your side or belly

Uhm... no. Absolutely wrong. On the ground, being in rear-control is the absolute WORST of the 6 positions, and it's not up for debate. Going to the belly is outstanding strategy in a freestyle wrestling match -- and without question the absolute most moronic thing you could possibly do in a fight. Complete suicide.

If you end up on your belly, prevent a choke from behind by keeping your chin to your chest and keep your hands around your neck.

No. Put your hands (in fists) in front of your adam's apple, and tuck your arms as tight under your chest as possible. Then execute an escape-from-rear-control (good luck). Putting your hands around the neck gives the opponent fingers and whatnot to use to wrench with.

Horrible advice.

Although, dude has one thing right -- if you need the otherwise bad advice in that article, running is by far your best option.

Adelpiero · Post by **Adelpiero** » Fri Jan 11, 2008 9:52 pm

What a shocker, the midwestern douche is wearing a KC royal hat

Pssst, nice Puma sweat band!

Stevo · Post by **Stevo** » Fri Jan 11, 2008 10:03 pm

mvscal wrote:
Douchebag wrote:The Crew will NOT be disrespected like this. this must END

yeah, we pound hot skanks and get fucked up. what of it? i'll fucking KILL you. ALL of you
That's IT. You are REPORTED, you chicken dick motherfucker. I have had about ENOUGH of your faggoty bullshit and now I just pulled the trigger on the red exclamation point of ownage. I hope you have a lot of shit trolls here because you are fucking GONE, you dicklipped pansy.

Why don't you stop pretending, dickmuncher? DB's paypal account is still receiving $200.00 monthly donations from you.

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Fri Jan 11, 2008 10:36 pm

Now that we've installed the new board software, O/Cyrus doesn't have the fucking edge he used to have. Now our peeps can DIRECTLY report DoucheCrew's crimes*, and there will be a time of motherfucking brutal reckoning. Last year, I totally ended the life of the worst among you. This year, I will keep you alive, but hurt you fucking HARDER.

For example, I'll nailclip your puny 4skins off and quick-fry them, and serve douchecrew calamari with vadge sauce over at .net for our recruiting targets.

Prepare yourselves, precision shave, etc.

*this has already been done, asswholes.

Jay in Phoenix · Post by **Jay in Phoenix** » Fri Jan 11, 2008 10:44 pm

Stevo wrote:Why don't you stop pretending, dickmuncher? DB's paypal account is still receiving $200.00 monthly donations from you.

What the fuck? Goddamit Stevo, the last time I saw you you had feces smeared all over your hair-plugs and a plunger shoved half-way up your Douchehole.

No, check that...last time I saw you AND that fat fucking tub of lard Rollins, you were both twin-humping Douchefag's prostrate right out of his ever-elastic sphincter.

What Rollins calls a "setback" was the anni-hil-fucking-lation of the majority of your crew. Check yourself fool. I still have a nice set of faux, pink-puka shell nooses with your names on 'em.

Hang 'em high fucktards. Hang 'em high.

Stevo · Post by **Stevo** » Sat Jan 12, 2008 3:07 am

PSUFAN wrote:Now that we've installed the new board software, O/Cyrus doesn't have the fucking edge he used to have.

Oh...FUCK

This level of taunting will only bring out the worst in him.

You're fucked, PSUFAN. We're all FUCKED.

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Sat Jan 12, 2008 4:17 am

Stevo...you're a fat fag who smokes black cock, ok?

Ana Ng · Post by **Ana Ng** » Sat Jan 12, 2008 9:09 am

I'm down with the douche crew.

Mostly cause I'm also down with the syndrome.

Viva El Douchebag!

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Mon Jan 14, 2008 4:30 pm

cinderella_undercover wrote: Viva El Douchebag!

Hate to go to the Spanish grammar/spelling card, but I believe that should be La Douchebag.

BSmack · Post by **BSmack** » Mon Jan 14, 2008 4:48 pm

Goober McTuber wrote:
cinderella_undercover wrote: Viva El Douchebag!
Hate to go to the Spanish grammar/spelling card, but I believe that should be La Douchebag.

El Dinsdale es fuerte en usted.

Ana Ng · Post by **Ana Ng** » Mon Jan 14, 2008 4:51 pm

I can't get away with anything here.

The Whistle Is Screaming · Mon Jan 14, 2008 4:55 pm

Which is why we are all thankful that you have the courtesy to douche before showing up.

Ana Ng · Post by **Ana Ng** » Mon Jan 14, 2008 5:06 pm

I like you better here.

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Mon Jan 14, 2008 5:09 pm

Better not flirt with TWIS, or Wags will turn himself into a coat-hanger pretzel in a fit of jealousy. Also - Mrs. TWIS will notice the extra sheet with a hole in the laundry.

War Wagon · Post by **War Wagon** » Mon Jan 14, 2008 5:38 pm

Forget about Mrs. TWIS, I'm more worried about Mrs. Wags.

Ana Ng · Post by **Ana Ng** » Mon Jan 14, 2008 5:40 pm

PSUFAN wrote:Better not flirt with TWIS, or Wags will turn himself into a coat-hanger pretzel in a fit of jealousy. Also - Mrs. TWIS will notice the extra sheet with a hole in the laundry.

This is why you need to watch over me.

I appreciate everything you do.

There'll be an extra box of Girl Scout cookies on your doorstep this year.

Ana Ng · Post by **Ana Ng** » Mon Jan 14, 2008 5:41 pm

War Wagon wrote:Forget about Mrs. TWIS, I'm more worried about Mrs. Wags.

So am I.

I imagine that bitch hasn't been properly boinked in ages?

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Mon Jan 14, 2008 5:54 pm

cinderella_undercover wrote:
I imagine that bitch hasn't been properly boinked in ages?

SHHHH!!!!!

Sin,
The HVAC Guy that showed up at Wag's house, but didn't quite get the AC working

MgoBlue-LightSpecial · Mon Jan 14, 2008 5:56 pm

cinderella_undercover wrote:I imagine that bitch hasn't been properly boinked in ages?

I take offense to that.

Regards,

black cock

Ana Ng · Post by **Ana Ng** » Mon Jan 14, 2008 6:25 pm

MgoBlue-LightSpecial wrote:
cinderella_undercover wrote:I imagine that bitch hasn't been properly boinked in ages?
I take offense to that.

Regards,

black cock

Cool your soup, Kunta Kenta.....

I was referring to his WIFE.

MgoBlue-LightSpecial · Mon Jan 14, 2008 6:30 pm

The bigger the better, that's Wags' policy. If he can't forklift it into his ass, he ain't interested.

War Wagon · Post by **War Wagon** » Mon Jan 14, 2008 6:39 pm

cinderella_undercover wrote:
War Wagon wrote:Forget about Mrs. TWIS, I'm more worried about Mrs. Wags.
So am I.

I imagine that bitch hasn't been properly boinked in ages?

Sure she has.

But she won't do anal or swallow so doesn't quite measure up to c_u standards.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Mon Jan 14, 2008 6:42 pm

War Wagon wrote: But she won't do anal

A chick's enthusiasm for anal is in direct proportion to how hard you land the learnin'-blows to her dome.

All chicks do anal -- some just don't know it yet.

The Whistle Is Screaming · Mon Jan 14, 2008 6:52 pm

cinderella_undercover wrote:I like you better here.

Any chance you were pointing to your freshly douched vagina when you typed that response?
:TWISHASANEWBESTESTFRIEND:

As for Mrs. TWIS, she may not be all that pissed off if I found a "fuck buddy," it would take some of the pressure off of her. And by "pressure" I obviously mean my consistant whining/begging/demanding ('sup things that never work) for sex, as well as give my right hand a rest as it takes up the bulk of the heavey lifting.

For the record, I try not to think of Wags or Mrs Wags when the topic of sex enters my mind, some things are best left alone. Unwar that vomit porn stuff. :shudder:

Stevo · Post by **Stevo** » Mon Jan 14, 2008 7:19 pm

cinderella_undercover wrote:This is why you need to watch over me.

Come to Stevo. I'll protect you. Just rest your head in my lap, and wait for the love to wake you.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Mon Jan 14, 2008 7:36 pm

War Wagon wrote:
cinderella_undercover wrote:
War Wagon wrote:Forget about Mrs. TWIS, I'm more worried about Mrs. Wags.
So am I.

I imagine that bitch hasn't been properly boinked in ages?
Sure she has.

But she won't do anal

Try buying her a new strap-on.

Ana Ng · Post by **Ana Ng** » Mon Jan 14, 2008 8:06 pm

Dinsdale wrote:
War Wagon wrote: But she won't do anal

A chick's enthusiasm for anal is in direct proportion to how hard you land the learnin'-blows to her dome.

All chicks do anal -- some just don't know it yet.

It's one of the few things that's better when it's involuntary.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Mon Jan 14, 2008 8:13 pm

Judging by a certain experience I had with the voluntary kind, you might be right.

The Whistle Is Screaming · Mon Jan 14, 2008 8:20 pm

cinderella_undercover wrote:It's one of the few things that's better when it's involuntary.

Operator - Thank you for calling AMEX Travel Services how my I help you?
TWIS - I'll need an open ended R/T ticket to "lo-cal" a convertable and a nice hotel room with 2 queen beds, 1 with rubber sheets ... the other will be for sleeping. Have them stock the mini-bar with astroglide and I'll be needing a dozen extra towels to start.
Operator - I'll need to transfer you to "special" services ...

RumpleForeskin · Post by **RumpleForeskin** » Mon Jan 14, 2008 8:24 pm

The Whistle Is Screaming wrote:astroglide

Funny, this was the topic of conversation on my radio show the other night.

The Whistle Is Screaming · Mon Jan 14, 2008 8:32 pm

RumpleForeskin wrote:
The Whistle Is Screaming wrote:astroglide
Funny, this was the topic of conversation on my radio show the other night.

It may be a "funny" topic to you, but the rest of us would find it nauseating at best so let's leave Mt. Rumpletons out of this thread, OK?.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Mon Jan 14, 2008 8:40 pm

The Whistle Is Screaming wrote:let's leave Mt. Rumpletons out of this thread, OK?.

Gee, thanks for the visual, assface.

I'm guessing it would take a hydraulic porta-power just to spread Mt. Rumplewife's foothills far enough apart to even start to utilize the Costco-sized drum of astroglide the Rumples keep bedside.

Paints a pretty picture.

RumpleForeskin · Post by **RumpleForeskin** » Mon Jan 14, 2008 8:42 pm

I'm getting hot just thinking about her.

Thanks a lot, ass-holes. Now I have to walk around the office looking like a tripod for the rest of the afternoon.

The Whistle Is Screaming · Mon Jan 14, 2008 8:46 pm

Dinsdale wrote:
The Whistle Is Screaming wrote:let's leave Mt. Rumpletons out of this thread, OK?.

Gee, thanks for the visual, assface.

I'm guessing it would take a hydraulic porta-power just to spread Mt. Rumplewife's foothills far enough apart to even start to utilize the Costco-sized drum of astroglide the Rumples keep bedside.

Paints a pretty picture.

So long lunch, it was nice knowing you.

I fucking liked that lunch Dins, you'll pay for this dearly.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Mon Jan 14, 2008 8:50 pm

RumpleForeskin wrote:I'm getting hot just thinking about her.

I'm getting hot thinking about how c_u likes the forced Fresno-style.