Memo to pro golfers not named Tiger Woods.

[Dinsdale]

Well the next time you see your imaginary buddy, ask him what sort of training and conditioning routine he goes through before playing a round of golf.

Well, this particular buddy's pre-round ritual usually involves about 15 beers... and he can't hit the broadside of a barn by #7.

Neither here nor there.


Gee, let's take a look at the PGA standings, shall we?

1. Tiger Woods -- recently named the best-conditioned athlete on the planet (although it's Tiger the Humble, and he thinks that's inaccurate)

2. Phildo -- as mentioned, a legendary comedy act on Sunday afternoons, until he vastly improved his physical conditioning and lost the tits

3. Justin Leonard -- is ALWAYS in tip-top shape, and brought rare glory to the American Team by being able to maintain stamina through several days of heavy play

4. Steve Stricker -- excellent physical condition for a 41yo

5. Stuart Cink -- a textbook "jock." Climbs mountains in his free time

6. Boo Weekly -- gee, another really fit guy... would rock the Tour, except he can't putt for shit

7. Kenny Perry -- does alright for an old dude. Had a layoff from the game, but now appears to be in good physical condition, and oddly enough, his standings have improved as his physical condition has improved

8. Brant Snedeker -- a super-lean, super-athletic young gun, who does some of his best work on Sunday afternoons

9. Anthony Kim -- Asian super-jock

10. Sean O'Hair -- super lean and lanky, super-athletic




So, let's see... the top 10 on the FedEx list are all... extremely athletic guys who stay in top physical condition.


But go on ahead and keep thinking this is all some HUUUUUGE coincedence... it's funny.

[Dinsdale]

it's not a sport because no one plays defense, which is a prerequisite for any activity to be considered a sport.

Basketball is not a sport then.

Sin,
The Los Angeles Lakers

[Smackie Chan]

it's not a sport because no one plays defense, which is a prerequisite for any activity to be considered a sport.

Basketball is not a sport then.

Sin,
The Los Angeles Lakers

That was uncalled for. Why you wanna go an' make this all personal?

[Mister Bushice]

Any game which can be played by paunchy, manboobed tossers is most emphatically not a sport. It's a leisure activity. It's as much of a "sport" as Magic the Gathering.

[Smackie Chan]

Gold is indeed a sport. Auto racing is indeed a sport. While some sports might require less athleticism than others, sports are sports.

And precious metals are precious metals.

[indyfrisco]

Wow. Didn't know Rumplewife was such an athlete.

[poptart]

And with the first pick in the 2015 NFL Draft, the Oakland Raiders select ...

[smackaholic]

mv,

just what the fukk is athleticism by your definition. you seem to imply that the diffreence between skilll and athleticism has something to do with strength. If so, i can see how you might say that putting takes skill as does dart throwing. But golf is not just putting.

Even by your definition, how can you say that drilling a drive 300+ yards down the middle time after time doesn't show athletic ability.

There is one difference I see between golf, bowling, dart throwing and your "sports". That is reaction time. Golf and bowling are similar in that they do not require reactive ability. In both of these cases, you think about what you are gonna do ahead of time and then do it.

If this is your definition, I guess we can add most track and field events to the list of games.

One other thing.

[dins] what'd ya shoot last time out? [/dins]

[Shlomart Ben Yisrael]

Bowling, golf, stamp collecting, shuffleboard, coupon clipping...

...whatever...

Great athletic endeavors...

[Mister Bushice]

Even by your definition, how can you say that drilling a drive 300+ yards down the middle time after time doesn't show athletic ability.

Elsie McLean thought she might have lost her ball on the par-3, 100-yard fourth hole at Bidwell Park.

Instead, the 102-year-old Chico woman became the oldest golfer ever to make a hole-in-one on a regulation course.

Because of the slope of the green, McLean and her partners couldn't see where her ball landed after she teed off.

"Where's my ball?" McLean asked.

Her friends, Elizabeth Rake and Kathy Crowder, found it in the cup.

"I said, 'Oh, my Lord. It can't be true. It can't be true.' I was so excited. And the girls were absolutely overcome," McLean said.

It was McLean's first ace.

"Well everybody wants a hole-in-one, and I said, 'Why can't I have a hole-in-one?' I came within inches once," McLean told television station KNVN.

McLean, who used a driver, broke the age record of 101 set by Harold Stilson in 2001 at Deerfield Country Club in Florida.

McLean, who has been featured in golf magazines before, will appear on "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno" on April 24 to celebrate her accomplishment.

"For an old lady," she said, "I still hit the ball pretty good."

Copyright 2007 by The Associated Press

Questions?

Yeah. How the fuck could you possibly equate a consistent 300 yard drive on a par 4, 450 yard hole to a once in a 102 year lifetime freak shot 100 yard dribbler on a pitch and putt course with a downhill roll as a defining determinant?

Oh, nevermind. I know:

[BSmack]

Athletic endeavors involve pushing the limits of human performance and stamina. Golf involves a great deal of skill and coordination. What it does not involve is any degree of athleticism.

Most any dickbag on earth can walk across a well manicured lawn and swing a golf club. Let that same dickbag try to read an NFL defense, take a three step drop and hit a 20 yard out or launch from the top of the key and dunk a basketball. Those are the kind of athletic feats that no duffer could ever under any circumstances hope to accomplish.

Questions?

Funny you should try to compare NFL QBs to pro golfers. Did you know Tony Romo has tried repeatedly (and failed) to qualify for the US Open? In fact, he played a round at Torry Pines South under US Open conditions that was televised before Sunday's final round and failed to break 80.

But yea, it's so fucking easy to play golf.

Let me draw a comparison for you. Any duffer could go out an compete in a flag football local rec league, or play in a local baseball/softball league or play hoops at the local Y. Just because I might go to the local park and shoot some hoops doesn't make me Michael Jordan, any more than playing 18 at my local club would make me Tiger Woods. Average "duffers" compete every day in a multitude of athletic endeavors. Golf just happens to be one of them.

BTW: I'm not going to rip on a 102 year old lady for hitting driver on a par 3 ('sup Ken?), especially when she has an ace and millions of us don't. Rack that old girl for hitting paydirt.

[Dinsdale]

I'm not going to rip on a 102 year old lady for hitting driver on a par 3 ('sup Ken?)

I'll RACK the no-brainer Ken reset.

That one was teed up quite nicely.

[titlover]

Athletic endeavors involve pushing the limits of human performance and stamina. Golf involves a great deal of skill and coordination. What it does not involve is any degree of athleticism.

Most any dickbag on earth can walk across a well manicured lawn and swing a golf club. Let that same dickbag try to read an NFL defense, take a three step drop and hit a 20 yard out or launch from the top of the key and dunk a basketball. Those are the kind of athletic feats that no duffer could ever under any circumstances hope to accomplish.

Questions?

Funny you should try to compare NFL QBs to pro golfers. Did you know Tony Romo has tried repeatedly (and failed) to qualify for the US Open? In fact, he played a round at Torry Pines South under US Open conditions that was televised before Sunday's final round and failed to break 80.

But yea, it's so fucking easy to play golf.

Let me draw a comparison for you. Any duffer could go out an compete in a flag football local rec league, or play in a local baseball/softball league or play hoops at the local Y. Just because I might go to the local park and shoot some hoops doesn't make me Michael Jordan, any more than playing 18 at my local club would make me Tiger Woods. Average "duffers" compete every day in a multitude of athletic endeavors. Golf just happens to be one of them.

BTW: I'm not going to rip on a 102 year old lady for hitting driver on a par 3 ('sup Ken?), especially when she has an ace and millions of us don't. Rack that old girl for hitting paydirt.

Romo is lacking in the SKILL AND COORDINATION dept. it takes to compete with PGA golfers. golf in NO WAY involves high levels of SPEED, STRENGTH or ENDURANCE at all. and no, club head speed does not count. not saying PGA golfers aren't very impressive wiht what they do, they are. they just aren't 'athletes'

[Smackie Chan]

Athlete or not, Tiger's performance was pretty damn impressive. Maybe not on a par with Jack Youngblood playing in a Super Bowl with a broken pin, but Youngblood's team didn't win.

[The Seer]

Athletic endeavors involve pushing the limits of human performance and stamina. Golf involves a great deal of skill and coordination. What it does not involve is any degree of athleticism.

What separates the great ATHLETE from an ordinary one is the ability to outperform the competition using speed, strength, skill, coordination, and intelligence...

Otherwise evaluating the team with better (athletes) would not require them competing against one another....just use a stopwatch and measure their collective strength and endurance...

[Mister Bushice]

Athletic endeavors involve pushing the limits of human performance and stamina. Golf involves a great deal of skill and coordination. What it does not involve is any degree of athleticism.

What separates the great ATHLETE from an ordinary one is the ability to outperform the competition using speed, strength, skill, coordination, and intelligence...

Otherwise evaluating the team with better (athletes) would not require them competing against one another....just use a stopwatch and measure their collective strength and endurance...

Yeah. go Big Brown.

[poptart]

I remember listening to a radio interview a few years back with one of Tiger's old Stanford teammates, can't remember now who it was.
But anyway, he was laughing telling the story about how some of the fellas had a pick-up B-Ball game going on one day.
Tiger happened by and they coaxed him into the game.

And he was totally and dweebfully INEPT.

And they were all like ... fucking stunned.

El'Tigre was having passes bounce off his forehead, and failing to even dribble the ball, and overall, just looking like a retard on two hours sleep.

All of that said, I do consider golf to be a sport.
Maybe just barely, and I have played a LOT.
I think Mgo nailed it earlier in this thread with his thoughts.

My read on mvscal is that he is one of those guys who played the crooked stick a time-or-two and sucked very badly at it.
Recognizing the extreme level of skill and coordination needed to do it well, and knowing he would never cut it, he chose to simply poo poo it entirely rather than face the reality that he couldn't cut the mustard in a faggot sport.

[Diego in Seattle]

Any activity where one's pulse never gets above 70 is just that...an activity.

[ucantdoitdoggieSTyle2]

At what point do offensive lineman run?

We do a lot of running when our shit QB actually drops back to pass and throws it to the other team... yet again.

Sin,
Tennessee OL

[smackaholic]

I remember listening to a radio interview a few years back with one of Tiger's old Stanford teammates, can't remember now who it was.
But anyway, he was laughing telling the story about how some of the fellas had a pick-up B-Ball game going on one day.
Tiger happened by and they coaxed him into the game.

And he was totally and dweebfully INEPT.

And they were all like ... fucking stunned.

El'Tigre was having passes bounce off his forehead, and failing to even dribble the ball, and overall, just looking like a retard on two hours sleep.

All of that said, I do consider golf to be a sport.
Maybe just barely, and I have played a LOT.
I think Mgo nailed it earlier in this thread with his thoughts.

My read on mvscal is that he is one of those guys who played the crooked stick a time-or-two and sucked very badly at it.
Recognizing the extreme level of skill and coordination needed to do it well, and knowing he would never cut it, he chose to simply poo poo it entirely rather than face the reality that he couldn't cut the mustard in a faggot sport.

This is what I was saying about the difference between golf/bowling and football basketball. Golf or bowling require absolutely no reaction time. Nobody pitches a golf ball to you. It is sitting there waiting for you to stomp it with nothing more than muscle memory and a bit of strength. And as said, you sure the fukk do need stamina.

Does this make it a sport? WGARA what some interweb loser definition is. I'm guessing that as tiger is laying the wood to that swedish hottie of his aboarde his yacht, he's not too concerned with whether anyone thinks he's an athlete or not.

BTW, is it a coincidence that there have been golfers that were successful at other sports and vice-a-versa? I doubt it. Nicklaus was recruited by woodie hayes to play at tOSU. And there are quite a few "real athletes" that are pretty good on a golf course.

[Dinsdale]

And there are quite a few "real athletes" that are pretty good on a golf course.

Which reminds me...


'Round these parts, Neil Lomax hosts a golf tourney called the Quarterback Shootout. It's not just for QBs anymore, but they're the bread and butter. Marshall Faulk has a buddy around here somewhere, and he usually shows up and drops a huge pile of charitable donation (a few years back, he heard about some sick kid in Portland from his buddy who couldn't afford medical treatment, so Marshall Marshall Marshall showed up out of the blue, unannounced at the kid's door with a checkbook in his hand... because that's the kind of guy he is).


Anyhoo, must have been about 15 years back, maybe. Like a 395 yard par 4. Terry Porter and Clyde Drexler are putting out on the green, so the box holder in the next group, one Steve Beuerline, tees it up and drives...

Right in between Terry Porter's legs while he was putting, and right into the freaking hole.

I believe there's still a plaque up at Heron Lakes Great Blue to commemorate the achievement.

[RumpleForeskin]

I plyed golf with Drexler when I was 17. Worst short game in the history of golf.

[Goober McTuber]

BTW, is it a coincidence that there have been golfers that were successful at other sports and vice-a-versa? I doubt it. Nicklaus was recruited by woodie hayes to play at tOSU.

Yeah, he recruited him to play golf.

Jack Nicklaus met Woody when he was a Freshman at Ohio State. Jack says Woody was the most famous man in town, yet never acted any different. Woody knew Jack's dad, and asked about Jack's plans. Jack's dad went to Ohio State as well. Jack only missed 1 OSU football game. Jack would visit football practices, because he always loved kicking a football. Woody always had time to chat with him. Jack says: "I was lucky to have enjoyed a relationship with Woody over the years. He's a man I always respected, not just because he was a great coach, and I love Ohio State, but because he was a great man, a man I respected. The way he cared for others and helped others - he was extremely selfless. I dreamed of playing football for Ohio State. But when he and my father spoke, Woody recognized a greater talent for me and greater opportunity for me in golf". (Woody used to recruit NOT only for football, but for ALL Ohio State sports teams).

[Smackie Chan]

Yeah, he recruited him to play golf.

Why you wanna go and let facts get in the way of a good story?

Let me rephrase that:

Why you wanna let facts get in the way of a story?

[Goober McTuber]

Yeah, he recruited him to play golf.

Why you wanna go and let facts get in the way of a good story?

Let me rephrase that:

Why you wanna let facts get in the way of a story?

Sorry. I'm a closet OSU fan. I knew it was bullshit.

It’s also not that good a story. Nicklaus is 5’10” and weighed a buck-seventy-five when he got to college. He says he tried to drink all the beer in Columbus his freshman year and got to 225 by Christmas. He did make it onto the football field eventually. He dotted the “i” in the script Ohio a couple of years ago.

[MgoBlue-LightSpecial]

Golf and bowling? Well, ok, but if you must consider them sports, then you have to distinguish them from legit sports such as football and basketball. Lesser sports, clearly.

Dumbest post ever. How is one sport "lesser" than another? That's impossible. They're all just sports - you freaking simpleton - but of different variety. Hell, you're much better off arguing that it's a game as opposed to a sport...but a "lesser" sport? Just fucking horribly stupid.

Different sports have different degrees of physical ability and skill. Why is something so simple creating such a huge disconnect for some of you?

[Tom In VA]

There goes Mgo making sense again.

[Smackie Chan]

It’s also not that good a story.

Hence the rephrasing.

[Mikey]

It’s also not that good a story.

Hence the rephrasing.

Damn, Smackie. Your are merciless, dawg.

[Goober McTuber]

It’s also not that good a story.

Hence the rephrasing.

Sorry. I have a tendency to scroll past parts of those lengthier posts.

[Morte]

Whatthefuckever about sport or not sport. Golf sucks ass when it comes to watching the shit, which is what this ghey thread started with. It is a JOKE, and not even as good as what sirfindafold posts. Its the fucked up joke like you hear end with "you had to be there"!

[Mister Bushice]

What the fuck is a "Closet OSU fan" anyway?

I believe it has something to do with coming out of the closet, and being an OSU fan.

Standard admission criteria as well.

[indyfrisco]

Right in between Terry Porter's legs while he was putting, and right into the freaking hole.

I'm trying to visualize how Porter was standing for a ball to go through his legs from behind and into the hole. The only way this seems to be possible is if Porter was standing perpindicular to the tee box while putting on a green that has a HUGE slope, the ball passes through the legs and up the slope at an angle and into the hole.

Stranger things have happend though. Like 395 yard drives.

[indyfrisco]

Whatthefuckever about sport or not sport. Golf sucks ass when it comes to watching the shit, which is what this ghey thread started with. It is a JOKE, and not even as good as what sirfindafold posts. Its the fucked up joke like you hear end with "you had to be there"!

For a sport that sucks ass to watch, the US Open beat the hell out of the NBA in ratings. Even the Monday playoff round got an 8+ share and that happened DURING THE DAY when most people are at work. And that does not count the number of us who were F5-ing the leaderboard online.

[Goober McTuber]

Right in between Terry Porter's legs while he was putting, and right into the freaking hole.

I'm trying to visualize how Porter was standing for a ball to go through his legs from behind and into the hole.

I kind of wondered about this too. Maybe Porter putts croquet style. Or maybe the storyteller is full of shit. Been known to happen.

[Dinsdale]

First I wasn't there. Secind, my description sucked. I believe they were lining up putts and whatnot, not actually standing over the ball (or someone else was putting, Porter was lining his up).


But it's a true story. Again, I believe the plaque is still up on... whichever the fuck hole that was at Great Blue (tough course, I usually seem to end up playing the other 18 there... RACK 36 hole munis. Unrack the goose and heron shit everywhere).