Welcome, folks, to the premier of T1B Jeopardy! I'm your host, Van, and today we have with us three eager contestants. Please give a warm welcome to Dinsdale, mvscal, and Birdy!
~applause~
Contestants, welcome to the show. Now grab your signalers and let's get ready to play T1B Jeopardy! Dinsdale, you have control of the board.
I'll take America's Past Times for $200, Vannar.
This activity has long been regarded as America's official past time. Birdy?
What is sucking black cock?
No, I'm sorry. mvscal?
What is sucking two black cocks with a third black cock up your ass?
Birdy, it's no longer your turn. mvscal?
What is molesting VogelWife's gash with a rusty nut driver?
Sorry, no. Dinsdale?
BWAHAHAHAHA! What is...wow, just...wow...
I'm sorry, that is also incorrect.
Uhhh, genius? I know the answer, I was just...
Sorry, judges have ruled. The correct answer is: listening to the sweet, sweet sounds of Steve Vai shredding solos and imagining what it's like to run your hands through his thick, dark curls while simultaneously watching highlights of Matt Leinart, John David Booty, and Mark Sanchez ripping up defenses, all the while doing your best not to bust your load because you're saving that for gushy dialogue later with Sudden Sam about motorcycles. Dinsdale, you still have control.
Allllllrighty then. Let's go to HVAC for $200.
A mechanical device responsible for producing and blowing a current of air. mvscal?
Go fuck yourself, you hand wringing pantload.
Uhh, no that's incorrect. Birdy?
What is me on a Friday night at a soul food restaurant down Gary, Indiana?
Hmmmm, judges?
~pause~
Van: Judges are saying no. Dinsdale?
Ummm, hang on a sec.......BWAHAHAHAHA! This is a joke, right? PLEASEPLEASE tell me this is a joke. Umm, technically it's not even considered "mechanical." I know, I know...you judges read snippets out of Encyclopedias and all the sudden you're hands-on experts. Trust me, I've forgotten more in the last 5 minutes about HVAC than any of you clowns will know in a lifetime. It just so happens my bestest buddy...
Sorry, we have to cut you off there. That's incorrect. Dinsdale, you still have control of the board.
Gee, thanks, Marcus. We'll go with Greatest Region In The Entire Universe for $200.
This region in the Pacific Northwest is widely regarded as the greatest region in the entire universe. mvscal?
Nobody fucking cares.
Incorrect. Birdy?
What is Kimbo Slice's upper sigmoid?
No, sorry. Dinsdale, do you have an answer?
~Dinsdale mashing the clicker violently, but nothing's working~
Dinsdale? Seriously, no Dinsdale on this one? Beuhler? Anyone?
~Still mashing the button, with sweat pouring down face in pure agony~
Oh, sorry. Time's up. We were looking for the U&L. The U&L.
God DAMMIT! Vannie, I'm putting you on ignore.
Well, in that case let's go to mvscal. mvscal, you have control of the board.
Things Van Would Rather Be Doing Than Hosting This Show, for $200.
Excellent choice. If I wasn't here right now with you degenerate fucks, this is what I would be doing. Birdy?
What is pretending to be black while porking some skank you met on the internet and then swiping her man's funds?
No, sorry. mvscal?
Eat shit, dickslap.
Sorry. We were looking for feathering the hair on my taint and drawing a face to make it look like Pete Carroll. That's right, feathering the hair on my taint and drawing a face to make it look like Pete Carroll. Birdy, back to you.
Yo, I'll go back to America's Past Times for fo-hundy.
This combo of events is becoming more popular particularly in the midwest. mvscal?
What is rounding up nogs and sending them back to Africa?
Uhh, no, sorry. Birdy?
What is pretending to HATE black cock, but having a secret lustful obsession for it?
Ummmm...no, sorry. We were looking for, "Delivering pizzas, beating women, and stealing credit cards."
Oh no you di'nt mu'fucka -- you BEST not be disrepectin the Bu! The FubU!
Sit down and shut the fuck up, dipshit.
RACK the silence over here. Van, did you say something?
Well, that about wraps it up. Judges, let's take the keys and drive on outta this shithole.
