What if Jeff Healey weren't blind, and, umm, dead...

[Van]

He'd probably still look goofy, like this guy, and he'd probably stand up when he plays, and he'd sound a lot like this guy.

smackie and Sam, for whatever reason I thought of you two when I saw these...





...and smackie, just for you, here he's channeling SRV...

[Van]

R-Jack...

http://www.cbc.ca/arts/story/2008/03/02 ... ealey.html

[Van]

Yes, there are. He gets to play like Joe Bonamassa. That's a helluva prize, to a guy like that.

[Tom In VA]

Did one of those fences he played in front of in Roadhouse give way and he couldn't dodge the beer bottle headed for his skull?

I wonder if Dalton figured that would be a good time to not be nice.

[ucantdoitdoggieSTyle2]

Did one of those fences he played in front of in Roadhouse give way and he couldn't dodge the beer bottle headed for his skull?

I wonder if Dalton figured that would be a good time to not be nice.

:)

[Van]

'Spray, watching that version of "Rhode Island Shred," do you also get the feeling that at least with that guitar he's used to playing that piece while sitting down? The way he's cradling the guitar against his hip like that, it's like he's used to hunching over it during that song.

Weird, too, since he seems a lot more comfortable playing the same song here...



...but this is with a different guitar, and he's holding it higher.

[PSUFAN]

I wonder if Stevie Vai can do this:

[Van]

PSU, allow me to introduce you to Mrs 'Spray...



Believe it or not, that chick is real. She was voted "Fastest Shredder In The World" in one Guitar Player poll, though they admitted that they voted her #1 partly out of fear that she'd kill them if they didn't.

She's a freakshow, and she sounds horrible, but she's legit. That girl is a Julliard trained concert pianist, as well.

I don't know of any Vai clips doing FOTBB but here's FOTBB played on my old Ibanez JEM7VWH (Vai's signature model guitar), which I sold on e-bay to this kid in Taiwan...

[LTS TRN 2]

What made Jeff Healey weird and interesting was not his blindness--which he handled with a professionalism we all must admire--but his totally unnecessary style of playing the guitar on his lap, backwards and upside down, as though he was from some other planet or something and had no sense of that instrument's very natural fit to the human form. Pretty good singing, no question, and he'd done a lot of work on amps and effects, etc.

[Van]

Nick, it was definitely unnecessary for Healey to play the way he did, but playing that way sure contributed to his unique style. Playing overhand like that, he used his thumb for vibrato and HUGE bends, and the thumb is so strong that his vibrato was pretty crazy. Also, that overhand style lent itself to a lot more upper register work.

Listen to most any Jeff Healey solo and you'll notice that he's playing way up high, much more than most blues players.

Conversely, because he didn't have that strong thumb anchoring his fretting hand he played down by the nut a lot less than most blues players.

Check this out, from SRV. Check out how much he's down by the nut, which is something he did all the time...



Doing that type of stuff with your hand reversed, especially on the bass strings, that'd be a real bitch.

Now, check out a typical Healey solo...



This is an amazing clip, but the point is that the guy just eats that upper register. He bends like a maniac and because he was always pulling towards his body with so many fingers together he just had incredible strength and facility with his bends.

Other than maybe Guthrie Govan he might've been the craziest bender ever...

[smackaholic]

I was wondering how long it would take to go to the GG card when discussing other worldly guitar abilities.

Too bad jeff had to check out early along with most of the other blues axe greats.

I have a hypothesis for why this is so. I think there is an alotted amount of "life force" or whatever it is that keeps fukkers vertical. People are grouped into different categories and each category has it's alottment of life force. SRV, jimi, jeff healy and others had to check out early because BB king is bogarting all the life force amoung blues guitarists.

How else to explain an 85 year old morbidly obese diabetic black guy that still plays every night? He is keith richards like in his ability to live longer than he has any right to.

[Van]

smackie, so, are you saying that because Ace Frehley lives, GG must soon die?

[Van]

'Spray, the point was just to show others doing FOTBB, since he asked for a clip of Vai doing it.

Oh, and no, as disgusting as she sounds, you can't play that fast. Neither can I. Not even close. Check into her. She's in a class of speed where roll call takes just a few seconds.

It's her, Michael Angelo Batio, Al DiMeola, Paul Gilbert and only a small handful of others. GG is probably there. She's horrible, because all she tries to be is a cartoon parody of a metal guitarist, but her sheer technique is nearly without peer.

The bitch was in the Guinness Book Of World Records, at least at one point.

[smackaholic]

GG is probably there.

probably?

neeegah please.

that's like saying gosd chokes on black cock or mj can probably dunk a bball.

GG is there. He is everywhere. I honestly think the long hair and scruffy beard is not an accident. He is the second coming of hey suse.

Van, Is there any vids of him doing flamenco? I'm pretty sure he could teach paco de lucia a few things. well, maybe not. paco's got a little speed as well.

[Terry in Crapchester]

Nick, it was definitely unnecessary for Healy to play the way he did,

Since you brought it up, I was channel surfing the other night, and came across VH1's 100 Greatest One-Hit Wonders of the 80's. Maybe it was the trainwreck effect, or a desperate attempt to recapture my youth, or maybe even a little of both, but I couldn't tear myself away from it.

Anyway, the Jeff Healey Band made the list for "Angel Eyes." There was a brief clip they played of an interview of him. One of the questions, of course, was why he played the way he did. His answer was short and to the point: "I dropped it."

For a blind guy, that answer makes about as much sense as any.

[Van]

smackie, I'm just talking pure notes per measure. I'd say GG is in that exclusive club, but he doesn't make a constant point of it, the way all those other alternate picking speed freak "shredders" do.

GG is likely wont to use legato, or basic left hand hammer on techniques, and those techniques don't "count," not when people are talking about the true speed merchants.

I'm talking about people like DiMeola and Shawn Lane, ie, some of the fastest, cleanest players ever...



You don't often see GG doing those types of things, whereas the other people I mentioned live there.

As for GG doing flamenco, this is the only clip I can find. About half way through he dips into a little bit of flamenco. The funny thing, the thing that again sets him apart from basically anybody else, is that the little flamenco bit follows a serious shred/tapping bit, and it precedes an amazing blue grass bit.

Not a whole lot of flamenco players also do shred/tap, much less blue grass.

Or vice versa.

[smackaholic]

sam, you been an officially old motherfukker for awhile.

sin, SS's orthopod

[Van]

Told my boy to be thankful his wife's pussy remained intact and tight. A little scar is worth that.

You actually said that??

[War Wagon]

Didn't wanna start a new one about it...just wanted to mention it. Ain't no big thing to anyone but me.

Wrong.

You're one of the mainstays around here and we're one big happy fucking family.

Congrats, grampa Sam. Your life has changed forever.

[Van]

Sam, exactly how old are you, anyway? Susan asked me that, yesterday, and I realized I didn't know.

I told her, "I think he's in his middle to late fifties."

Was I at least close?

[PSUFAN]

Rack Grandpa Sam...and rack his still-tight daughter-in-law's pussy. We'll never see a pic of her, but pussy discussions are still on the table.

[Van]

Sam, better than Plexus is Honda Polish. Thing is, a few years ago the stuff got banned for sale, due to some ingredient it contained, but eventually it went back onto our shelves.

Just like you said, we used it on every surface on the bike. It was so good, even our Harley store used to use it on their showbikes.

Now, back to the dinner table discussions at Casa De Sam...

Sam's son cracks open a beer and says, "Dad, I'm bummed. They had to do a C section on wifey."

"That's fine, son. Be glad. Better she has a scar than lose that sweet, tight pussy."

"Dad, how do you know how tight her pussy is?"

~pause~

~longer pause~

"Umm, can you fuggen believe Utah beat our ass like that?"

[Van]

Sam, so, what you and your friends all seem to be saying is...

[Van]

It doesn't hurt none to be around that daughter-in-law's tight pussy, neither...

:banjo music:





















Yes, Sam, forgive me, but I'm having way too much fun with this concept...I still crack up at the notion of you talking to your son about the benefit of his wife retaining her tight pussy. Classic.

[Van]

Like I'm not gonna ask, after that lead in.

Let's hear it. Let's hear Sam's Greatest Funeral Faux Pas...

Are we talking Will Ferrell style Wedding Crashers pick up lines, or just wildly inappropriate comments about the poor stiff up on the stage?

[The Whistle Is Screaming]

Sam,
Mazol Tov on being a Gramps, go spoil the little princess.

[Van]

Friend's mom dies at her house. He tells me the minister found her. Me: "So you think the minister killed her?"