When is this year's Smackoff??

War Wagon · Post by **War Wagon** » Fri May 15, 2009 2:38 am

Van wrote:Having a little bit of an issue keeing the sexual homefires burning there, Shadowfax?

Not at all. My woman still trips my trigger after 25 years, on demand. You should be so lucky but I'm guessing you're not, thus the endless tomes you write.

Sucks to be you.

Van · Post by **Van** » Fri May 15, 2009 2:42 am

Doubtless, on demand is quite literal.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Fri May 15, 2009 3:53 am

Kid Nashville wrote:Hey, Lulu, how about a smackoff round right now? A vs. thread. Me vs.you?

Hey, aren't you the guy fishing for other poster's crank shots?

Mr T · Post by **Mr T** » Fri May 15, 2009 6:13 am

Katy wrote:AP, about your signature--you do realize that was sarcasm because that picture wasn't mine, right?

God, you're fucking stupid.

Let the man dream. The dude takes pics of himself in granny panties for christ sakes. He needs something to believe in.

BTW, send more pics

Kid Nashville · Post by **Kid Nashville** » Fri May 15, 2009 10:54 am

Goober McTuber wrote:
Kid Nashville wrote:Hey, Lulu, how about a smackoff round right now? A vs. thread. Me vs.you?
Hey, aren't you the guy fishing for other poster's crank shots?

No, keep looking, homo.

Kid Nashville · Post by **Kid Nashville** » Fri May 15, 2009 12:26 pm

Diogenes wrote:One thing we need next time it rolls around is a better caliber of judges. I hereby nominate...

Van
Katy
Radio Fan
Diogenes.

Some lonely hearts club loser that is here pulverizing his cock because he can't afford E-Harmony. A mental case, stretch mark afflicted Kentucky baby mill. And some middle aged hick Okie that's still clinging to his dreams of being a radio DJ by playing pirated mp3's on the internet to four tweeking insomniatic losers.

Dio, way to hitch your wagon. This looks more like the inaugural inductees class for the internet loser hall of fame than a panel of smack off judges. But then again, what's the difference?

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Fri May 15, 2009 1:08 pm

Kid Nashville wrote:
Goober McTuber wrote:
Kid Nashville wrote:Hey, Lulu, how about a smackoff round right now? A vs. thread. Me vs.you?
Hey, aren't you the guy fishing for other poster's crank shots?
No, keep looking, homo.

Nonsense. Your boys at Sucknut ratted you out.

Diogenes · Post by **Diogenes** » Fri May 15, 2009 3:33 pm

Kid Nashville wrote:Some lonely hearts club loser that is here pulverizing his cock because he can't afford E-Harmony. A mental case, stretch mark afflicted Kentucky baby mill. And some middle aged hick Okie that's still clinging to his dreams of being a radio DJ by playing pirated mp3's on the internet to four tweeking insomniatic losers.

Dammit, man. I already told you nobody cares about your family problems.

Van · Post by **Van** » Fri May 15, 2009 5:01 pm

I'm thinking my wife would laugh her ass off if I ever went trolling for ass at e-Harmony.

~e-Harmony "key areas of personal compatibility" questionnaire~

Question 1: How deep is your faith in Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior?

A-I love him so much, I suck his dick by proxy, every time I go to mass.

B-He's 'aight.

C-If my potential mate's minivan doesn't have at least three gay little fishes and a Buddy Jesus bobble head mounted on the dash then she's a satan worshipper and a fucking whore and I will lob battery acid at her face, at my first convenience.

D-I weep when I see a pretty sunrise, because they always make me think of Christ hitting his snooze button.

Your Answer:

E: None of the above. You people are pathetic. I want my e-Harmony soulmate to live for swallowing, and she better be able to convince me of her repressed sluttiness that's just been aching to be unleashed. Oh yeah, for all I care she can wear a nun's habit on our first date, but she better be going commando and she also has to be cool with wifey watching us, and maybe joining in. Got any matches for me?

Kid Nashville · Post by **Kid Nashville** » Fri May 15, 2009 5:56 pm

Van wrote:I'm thinking my wife would laugh her ass off if I ever went trolling for ass at e-Harmony.

She's laughing her ass off at the probability that there may be someone out there dumber than her that would want to fuck you.

Van · Post by **Van** » Fri May 15, 2009 6:00 pm

That's how marriages work. Yep.

Katy · Post by **Katy** » Fri May 15, 2009 11:56 pm

Papa Willie wrote:~~~~~Drive by poot!~~~~~~~

You guys are a bunch of silly willys.

Sin,

socal · Post by **socal** » Sat May 16, 2009 12:18 am

Van wrote:Your Answer:

E: None of the above. You people are pathetic. I want my e-Harmony soulmate to live for swallowing, and she better be able to convince me of her repressed sluttiness that's just been aching to be unleashed. Oh yeah, she for all I care she can wear a nun's habit on our first date, but she better be going commando and she also has to be cool with wifey watching us, and maybe joining in. Got any matches for me?

Your e-Harmony match awaits:

Van · Post by **Van** » Sat May 16, 2009 1:59 am

Ditch the tramp stamp, put her in a proper skirt and have her straddling a sport bike instead of a chopper and you got that right.

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Sat May 16, 2009 5:23 am

All the smackoffs I can recall have yielded at least some good stuff. This past one was a showcase for the awesome powah of DC, mgo, and others. Scotty Sixx and a few others made suprisingly strong showings.

AND, a number of bleeding babyholes spilled gallons of estrus on the boards, which at times can bring a snicker or two.

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Sat May 16, 2009 11:17 am

Van's still having ~~homoerotic dreams~~ nightmares about the Steve Vai bit from last year. Go easy on him.

Kid Nashville · Post by **Kid Nashville** » Sat May 16, 2009 4:00 pm

PSUFAN wrote:All the smackoffs I can recall have yielded at least some good stuff. This past one was a showcase for the awesome powah of DC, mgo, and others. Scotty Sixx and a few others made suprisingly strong showings.

AND, a number of bleeding babyholes spilled gallons of estrus on the boards, which at times can bring a snicker or two.

Yeah, all those dudes were good w funny photo wytching. And thank God. It saved some of you Troglodytes the laborious task of reading and comprehension. Unfortunately it couldn't save me from having to read your deluge of insufferably droll, rubber stamp "KYOA, bleeding vag, you're a cum gargler" responses . The hallmark of T1B douchebaggery.

Diogenes · Post by **Diogenes** » Sat May 16, 2009 4:17 pm

Kid Nashville wrote:
PSUFAN wrote:AND, a number of bleeding babyholes spilled gallons of estrus on the boards
You rang?

Van · Post by **Van** » Sat May 16, 2009 6:26 pm

smackaholic wrote:Van's still having ~~homoerotic dreams~~ nightmares about the Steve Vai bit from last year. Go easy on him.

Fine, fucker. You asked for it. Since you refuse to acknowledge the truth, I might as well go ahead and further feed your erroneous perceptions of the guy.

So, here ya' go, the glammest of glam old era Vai shit...the "gayest" of the "gay"...

Decent enough "political message" in this video, and one of the best guitar compositions/performances ever recorded, but oh yes, the 80s era video douchebaggery is strong in this one...

This is also one of the better guitar compositions/performances, but the main thing is this is Mgo's absolute favorite, as it features...the hair flip. I gotta say, I was surprised that of all the things to rag on Vai about in this video, i.e., the mullet and the facial expressions, Mgo chose one of the most innocuous and least pretentious things. Unfortunately, I was unable to locate the normal version of this video. Instead, I got this one. It looks the same, and most people wouldn't notice that it's not the same, but it includes a new opening title and it's missing some of the "gayer" facial expressions. On the plus side, however, this version contains a LOT more hair flipping!

Mgo and PSU have never seen this one before, but I think the heartfelt fist to the chest thing at the end combines with the shirt, the Vai logo armband, the "metal" blacksmith's, ummm, skirt(?), the Mike Shanahan rat faces and the Zappa faces to create another favorite. By the way, dude actually won a Grammy for this, his "song for Ireland." Yep, the Grammy people actually acknowledged a guitar instrumental. Bwaaa...

This one is just completely sick, the playing is so wicked, but the pseudo pimp regalia, the horrible attempt at moonwalking, the playing up to the camera with the over the top facial expressions...for your purposes, this one will be tough to beat...

Self expanatory, and one of the funniest songs ever written. Pure Zappa irreverence..

Kid Nashville · Post by **Kid Nashville** » Sat May 16, 2009 6:40 pm

Fuck that feather boa wearing, horsey vibrato, leopard print spandex, pointy Ibanez guitar playing, homo. I served that bitch.

/s/

Kid Nashville · Post by **Kid Nashville** » Sat May 16, 2009 10:42 pm

Mace wrote:
Kid Nashville wrote:Hey, Lulu, how about a smackoff round right now? A vs. thread. Me vs.you?
That's a great idea. Some of us have missed your incessant whining about the judging and would love to see another round. But it might be a better idea for you to take you no game ass to another location where your smackless fat ass might be more appreciated. Not sure where that brainless hell hole might be, but it sure isn't here.

Awesome! Seriously. You should hone your Photoshop skills. Hey, Mace, how many careers did you have to fail at before you were finally belched out into the vocational Siberia that is "correctional officer". Really rewarding work, I'm sure. You must have really killed on your SAT's.

Katy · Post by **Katy** » Sat May 16, 2009 11:30 pm

A little something about Kid Shrubber. He's some middle-aged, lonely, invalid that's confined to a wheelchair. Or at least that's what he claims. While Roland waits for "Meals on Wheels" to bring him his meals, he sits online mashing his submit button in hopes that someone or something other than life will laugh him.

His posts are much like this: Irony much?

Poor Kid Shrubber. I'm sure as he reads this every vein in his forehead is pulsating. He's muttering to himself: "That Kentucky sniz won't get away with this." "I'll show her!" He'll dedicate his entire evening to trying to show me how hardcore and badass he thinks he is UNTIL the doorbell rings and it's:

After he tosses aside his styrofoam dinner tray--he'll repeat the vicious cycle of his miserable existence. I'm just happy to be a HUGE part of his daily routine and his misery.

Viper from Top Gun · Post by **Viper from Top Gun** » Sat May 16, 2009 11:42 pm

Did his wingman escape injury in the car wreck?

MadRussian · Post by **MadRussian** » Sun May 17, 2009 12:05 am

Kid Nashville wrote:
Mace wrote:
Kid Nashville wrote:Hey, Lulu, how about a smackoff round right now? A vs. thread. Me vs.you?
That's a great idea. Some of us have missed your incessant whining about the judging and would love to see another round. But it might be a better idea for you to take you no game ass to another location where your smackless fat ass might be more appreciated. Not sure where that brainless hell hole might be, but it sure isn't here.
Awesome! Seriously. You should hone your Photoshop skills. Hey, Mace, how many careers did you have to fail at before you were finally belched out into the vocational Siberia that is "correctional officer". Really rewarding work, I'm sure. You must have really killed on your SAT's.

Please go get your head stuck in a busy train track; you amount to less than the contents of a slop bucket in an enema clinic. Triple flip through the air, and disappear up your own asshole, you cum-gargling lardassed faggot on a special needs tricycle

Kid Nashville · Post by **Kid Nashville** » Sun May 17, 2009 12:10 am

Katy wrote:A little something about Kid Shrubber. He's some middle-aged, lonely, invalid that's confined to a wheelchair. Or at least that's what he claims. While Roland waits for "Meals on Wheels" to bring him his meals, he sits online mashing his submit button in hopes that someone or something other than life will laugh him.

His posts are much like this: Irony much?

Poor Kid Shrubber. I'm sure as he reads this every vein in his forehead is pulsating. He's muttering to himself: "That Kentucky sniz won't get away with this." "I'll show her!" He'll dedicate his entire evening to trying to show me how hardcore and badass he thinks he is UNTIL the doorbell rings and it's:

After he tosses aside his styrofoam dinner tray--he'll repeat the vicious cycle of his miserable existence. I'm just happy to be a HUGE part of his daily routine and his misery.

Wow, big surprise. Lulu decided NOT to shut the fuck up. Is there any wonder Chuck Yeager is slapping his forehead in utter disbelief at the warp speed with which baby daddies 1, 2, and 3, launched out of town escaping the 6k frequency, sperm sterilizing, shriek of this incessantly caterwauling yenta?

Katy · Post by **Katy** » Sun May 17, 2009 12:21 am

Kid Nashville wrote: Wow, big surprise. Lulu decided NOT to shut the fuck up. Is there any wonder Chuck Yeager is slapping his forehead in utter disbelief at the warp speed with which baby daddies 1, 2, and 3, launched out of town escaping the 6k frequency, sperm sterilizing, shriek of this incessantly caterwauling yenta?

I struck a nerve. Sweet. :D

Kid Nashville · Post by **Kid Nashville** » Sun May 17, 2009 12:24 am

Mace wrote:Please go get your head stuck in a busy train track; you amount to less than the contents of a slop bucket in an enema clinic. Triple flip through the air, and disappear up your own asshole, you cum-gargling lardassed faggot on a special needs tricycle

You know why men go into corrections? Of course you do. It's the same reason men go into the priesthood, Boy Scouts, and become gym teachers. Access to young, desparate, impressionable, boys and girls. I'll bet you do other community things as well. You coach youth leagues? You do other guidence counceling?

Diogenes · Post by **Diogenes** » Sun May 17, 2009 12:25 am

Kid Nashville wrote:...decided NOT to shut the fuck up.

Bad choice on someone's part.

Kid Nashville · Post by **Kid Nashville** » Sun May 17, 2009 12:26 am

Katy wrote:
Kid Nashville wrote: Wow, big surprise. Lulu decided NOT to shut the fuck up. Is there any wonder Chuck Yeager is slapping his forehead in utter disbelief at the warp speed with which baby daddies 1, 2, and 3, launched out of town escaping the 6k frequency, sperm sterilizing, shriek of this incessantly caterwauling yenta?
I struck a nerve. Sweet. :D

Now you're talking, Lulu, let's get this smackdown rolling.

Katy · Post by **Katy** » Sun May 17, 2009 12:26 am

Kid Nashville wrote:
Mace wrote:Please go get your head stuck in a busy train track; you amount to less than the contents of a slop bucket in an enema clinic. Triple flip through the air, and disappear up your own asshole, you cum-gargling lardassed faggot on a special needs tricycle
You know why men go into corrections? Of course you do. It's the same reason men go into the priesthood, Boy Scouts, and become gym teachers. Access to young, desparate, impressionable, boys and girls. I'll bet you do other community things as well. You coach youth leagues? You do other guidence counceling?

What's the matter, Kid Shrubber? Did my exposing you as a gimp anger you?

God, I love the internet. :D

Katy · Post by **Katy** » Sun May 17, 2009 12:29 am

Kid Nashville wrote: Now you're talking, Lulu, let's get this smackdown rolling.

Hey STUCK ON STUPID, read this thread. It has ALREADY been rolling. How hard did you hit that utility pole when you were drunk?

This thread has been worse for you than the mangled car they pulled you out of.

War Wagon · Post by **War Wagon** » Sun May 17, 2009 12:38 am

Kid Nashville wrote:
Mace wrote:Please go get your head stuck in a busy train track; you amount to less than the contents of a slop bucket in an enema clinic. Triple flip through the air, and disappear up your own asshole, you cum-gargling lardassed faggot on a special needs tricycle
You know why men go into corrections? Of course you do. It's the same reason men go into the priesthood, Boy Scouts, and become gym teachers. Access to young, desparate, impressionable, boys and girls. I'll bet you do other community things as well. You coach youth leagues? You do other guidence counceling?

Christ, Gnash... that quote wasn't even from Mace. How did you manage to fuck that up?

Kid Nashville · Post by **Kid Nashville** » Sun May 17, 2009 12:50 am

Katy wrote:
Kid Nashville wrote: Now you're talking, Lulu, let's get this smackdown rolling.
Hey STUCK ON STUPID, read this thread. It has ALREADY been rolling. How hard did you hit that utility pole when you were drunk?

This thread has been worse for you than the mangled car they pulled you out of.

Oh, I'm sorry. I got confused when you said you were fleeing, rrr, ignoring me. Please continue w this merciless beatdown that I'm about to recieve.

Katy · Post by **Katy** » Sun May 17, 2009 12:55 am

Rifle through your thesaurus some more, Roland... I doubt any of the rest of your contributions to this thread could be any worse than what you've already posted.

Sadly, I don't have to do anything to you. You're providing all the smack fodder yourself.

:D

Kid Nashville · Post by **Kid Nashville** » Sun May 17, 2009 12:59 am

I love girl smackers. So fucking witty. I recall being a kid in high school in between class and I'd hear some uproarious laughter in the hallway. There'd be a circle of people and I'd wander over to find out who was holding court. And I'd make my way into the crowd and there in the midst of all those people was a girl.

Katy · Post by **Katy** » Sun May 17, 2009 1:04 am

Kid Nashville wrote:I love girl smackers. So fucking witty. I recall being a kid in high school in between class and I'd hear some uproarious laughter in the hallway. There'd be a circle of people and I'd wander over to find out who was holding court. And I'd make my way into the crowd and there in the midst of all those people was a girl.

Yeah, it's very humiliating to get beaten down by a chick. That's why you're a laughing stock of Sucknut and this board. I humiliated you on your home turf and you won't let it go. You should have stayed at SN where your fan base props your stupidity and considers you their head tard.

Kid Nashville · Post by **Kid Nashville** » Sun May 17, 2009 1:06 am

Katy wrote:Rifle through your thesaurus some more, Roland... I doubt any of the rest of your contributions to this thread could be any worse than what you've already posted.

Sadly, I don't have to do anything to you. You're providing all the smack fodder yourself.

:D

Yeah, we all know you're the queen of restraint. Please, Lulu, don't spare me. Bring all your hell fire and fury.

Katy · Post by **Katy** » Sun May 17, 2009 1:13 am

Kid Nashville wrote:
Katy wrote:Rifle through your thesaurus some more, Roland... I doubt any of the rest of your contributions to this thread could be any worse than what you've already posted.

Sadly, I don't have to do anything to you. You're providing all the smack fodder yourself.

:D
Yeah, we all know you're the queen of restraint. Please, Lulu, don't spare me. Bring all your hell fire and fury.

That 15 pages at SN of me cramming your head in a bag of dog shit wasn't enough? It was quite sad that after you had gotten run, you talked to yourself for another 4 pages.

Props on your thread melting over losing to Headhunter in the Smackoff. That shit was comedy gold. The ONLY votes you had to have gotten must have come from the SN judges--because from what I read, you weren't even close to winning against Headhunter.

Kid Nashville · Post by **Kid Nashville** » Sun May 17, 2009 1:29 am

Katy wrote:
Kid Nashville wrote:
Katy wrote:Rifle through your thesaurus some more, Roland... I doubt any of the rest of your contributions to this thread could be any worse than what you've already posted.

Sadly, I don't have to do anything to you. You're providing all the smack fodder yourself.

:D
Yeah, we all know you're the queen of restraint. Please, Lulu, don't spare me. Bring all your hell fire and fury.

That 15 pages at SN of me cramming your head in a bag of dog shit wasn't enough? It was quite sad that after you had gotten run, you talked to yourself for another 4 pages.

Props on your thread melting over losing to Headhunter in the Smackoff. That shit was comedy gold. The ONLY votes you had to have gotten must have come from the SN judges--because from what I read, you weren't even close to winning against Headhunter.

So true. I got it handed to me by Headhunter. I shook it off. But I have redisovered joy. That joy is knowing that you are in some godforsaken Kentucky shithole that is the belly of Hell. You have produced a brood of screaming, parentless, unguided children, that are going to make your life and all of ours a complete and utter misery. You don't have the wisdom, common sense, or means to salvage this impending trainwreck. Every carbon based person in your life must be running in terror away from you because you are just a bottomless drain of need.

<--me

Katy · Post by **Katy** » Sun May 17, 2009 1:34 am

Are you copy and pasting these posts to me from SN? You post the same things over and over and over again. Can't you find a new angle and please try and make it at least somewhat funny?

Your delivery leaves much to be desired. This would explain why you were a complete and total failure in the Smackoff last year.

With you, I didn't even bring my C game. I didn't have to.

Srsly. :D