What I've learned in 2011

[R-Jack]

Drew Brees wins fantasy football titles.

New rock isn't even rock anymore. It's 50% alternative, 50% pop and 100% gay.

Being in the best shape of your life at 36 is a good feeling, but it pisses you off all the same.

Republicans and Democrats are not even political parties anymore. They are sports teams with the two most myopic fanbases.

Wearing your sunglasses backwards so they rest on the back of your neck when indoors: Not everyone who does this is a douchebag, but every fucking douche does this.

I hate the Disney channel.

You can be safe this evening and call a cab, but what about the drunken shitbag that T-Bones your cab?

[War Wagon]

I haven't learned a damn thing worth mentioning.

[Cueball]

Read more, post less

[Screw_Michigan]

I haven't learned a damn thing worth mentioning.

Me neither, I already know everything to begin with so who gives a fuck?

[Derron]

I haven't learned a damn thing worth mentioning.

You did say you were barely literate so no real surprise there. If you have motor functions down your probably good to go.

[War Wagon]

barely literate

followed by:

your probably

See, I didn't learn you were an idiot in 2011.

I've known that since at least 2001 or whenever it was I first came across your moronic ramblings at TNW.

[smackaholic]

1. Never, ever get on a ladder that is not properly set up. Having a ladder slide out on you is a really bad feeling. An even worse feeling is landing flat on your back after falling off such a ladder, going through the POS HD prefabbed railing, and falling about 12.5 feet. I really should have been paralyzed or dead after that one.

2. Home Depot prefabbed pressure treated deck railings are the suck. They will be reinforced/replaced this spring.

3. Being a redsox fan sucks once again. Don't know where tito will manage this year, but, I hope he wins the series. Fukk the sox front office.

[Derron]

barely literate

followed by:

your probably

See, I didn't learn you were an idiot in 2011.

I've known that since at least 2001 or whenever it was I first came across your moronic ramblings at TNW.

Has it been that long Wags ? My how time flies..

But I never admitted I was barely literate, I did not kill my dog, I did not have a swamp cooler, I do not drive a forklift for a living, and my kids are all heterosexual.

Happy New Year..may the gift of smack find you in 2011.

[smackaholic]

But I never admitted I was barely literate, I did not kill my dog, I did not have a swamp cooler, I do not drive a forklift for a living, and my kids are all heterosexual.

Happy New Year..may the gift of smack find you in 2011.

I doubt wags has a swamp cooler. The name is a bit misleading. Don't work in the swamp at all. They require low humidity. Low humidity and missouri don't get along too well.

[Dinsdale]

1. Never, ever get on a ladder that is not properly set up. Having a ladder slide out on you is a really bad feeling.

You evernotice those little holes in the ladder feet?

They're so you can put nails through them.

And those serrated edges on one side of the feet? You'guessed'er.

Swing and a miss by Darwin.

[smackaholic]

Yup, I fukkin' teed it high for chuck on that one.

thanks chuck for not taking a cut at it.

not saying i won't even throw one right over the middle for chuckie again, but, it won't be that same pitch. i should have stopped at the ghandi mart on the way to the ER for a few powerball tickets.

Oh, one other thing i learnt this year....

When you pulverize all the muscles in your back/torso, they heal pretty fukkin' slow. And Carbomol and Tramadol is good stuff.

[Diego in Seattle]

Republicans and Democrats are not even political parties anymore. They are sports teams with the two most myopic fanbases.

That's rackworthy.

[missjo]

That pilates instructors & I'm talking clinical machine pilates not that namby pamby mat shit
are the most evil, vicious & sadistic of all the fitness instructors I've ever met!!

[Felix]

that telling my son's mother-in-law she's "a screeching harpy that could have sucked the optimism out of Mahatma Gandhi" tends to cause tension during family get togethers.....

[Mace]

that telling my son's mother-in-law she's "a screeching harpy that could have sucked the optimism out of Mahatma Gandhi" tends to cause tension during family get togethers.....

Sometimes the truth hurts but it has to be said. Good luck to your son.

[smackaholic]

what mace said.

nice blast, feelsdicks. too bad your kid will likely not get laid before easter over it.

[Screw_Michigan]

That West Michigan is overpopulated with single mothers and almost all of my friends are willing to become contractually and financially obligated to children that aren't theirs just so they can maintain pussy that they obviously think they will never get again.

[Van]

I learned that Screwball has a cool way of describing his friends, current locales and overall lifestyle in such a way that it always sounds like another installment in the Clerks franchise.

Tell me that you can't see Mgo and Screwball as these two guys, pontificating back and forth about movies, hockey, music and politics...

[Mace]

That West Michigan is overpopulated with single mothers and almost all of my friends are willing to become contractually and financially obligated to children that aren't theirs just so they can maintain pussy that they obviously think they will never get again.

Get your friends to adopt those kids to help get you out from under all of those child support payments.

[smackaholic]

Not wondering if I'll have to wrassle some cantankerous old whore or her loser son when I go to the basement to do laundry is pretty fukking cool. Makes the occasional technical difficulties with my warshin' aparati worth it.

[Bizzarofelice]

I learned that there are few leaders in this world. One part is few people are good at it. The next part is few people are willing to be led.

People who barely graduated from high school understand that the best way to accomplish the group's united goals is less important than not recognizing any united goals and just cover their own ass. And they get away with it because their superiors are doing the same damned thing.

[Go Coogs']

After working for nearly 17 years, I finally learned that you should expect nothing and trust noone when it comes to coworkers.

[Mace]

I learned that there are few leaders in this world. One part is few people are good at it. The next part is few people are willing to be led.

People who barely graduated from high school understand that the best way to accomplish the group's united goals is less important than not recognizing any united goals and just cover their own ass. And they get away with it because their superiors are doing the same damned thing.

It's been a CYA world for so long that it's refreshing to run into folks who are truly team players. And you're right, the CYA folks are the ones who advance, and they do it by throwing others under the bus.

[Screw_Michigan]

I learned that Screwball has a cool way of describing his friends, current locales and overall lifestyle in such a way that it always sounds like another installment in the Clerks franchise.

"Try not to suck any dick on your way out of the parking lot!"

[Go Coogs']

I learned that there are few leaders in this world. One part is few people are good at it. The next part is few people are willing to be led.

People who barely graduated from high school understand that the best way to accomplish the group's united goals is less important than not recognizing any united goals and just cover their own ass. And they get away with it because their superiors are doing the same damned thing.

Yep. And when you do decide to lead, the group you are leaving behind will try their best to bring you back down. All they want to do is bitch about being asked to do a little extra, but they can't even be counted on to do the things their supposed to do.

[War Wagon]

Tell me that you can't see Mgo and Screwball as these two guys, pontificating back and forth about movies, hockey, music and politics...

They did a back and forth on chat/radio a few months ago that was pretty funny... captured their board personna's exactly.

[Screw_Michigan]

After working for nearly 17 years, I finally learned that you should expect nothing and trust noone when it comes to coworkers.

Whatever happened with the guy who got the sex abuse charges?

[Screw_Michigan]

They did a back and forth on chat/radio a few months ago that was pretty funny... captured their board personna's exactly.

Next time I am home we'll make sure to do one. I told him I really want to do one somewhat sober and with a decent bit of planning.

[Go Coogs']

After working for nearly 17 years, I finally learned that you should expect nothing and trust noone when it comes to coworkers.

Whatever happened with the guy who got the sex abuse charges?

His court date keeps being pushed back. February 8th is the latest I've heard, but I'm sure it gets rescheduled again.

[War Wagon]

clerk - my girlfriend sucked 37 dicks!

customer - in a row?

[MgoBlue-LightSpecial]

They did a back and forth on chat/radio a few months ago that was pretty funny... captured their board personna's exactly.

Next time I am home we'll make sure to do one. I told him I really want to do one somewhat sober and with a decent bit of planning.

I think doing it drunk with zero planning is the better way to go. Then again that's why I'm smart and you're a relentless idiot.

[Moving Sale]

Swing and a miss by Darwin.

Spencer you syphilitic weasel, Spencer.

[Terry in Crapchester]

That sending my daughter to Catholic school has been, so far at least, a very good investment.

That West Michigan is overpopulated with single mothers

So is Western New York, but I digress.