long time no see dickweeds

[Dickbag]

I know many of you don't know who I am, but I've been reading this place for years, and, well, just needed an outlet to vent. Don't like it? Fuck you.

I was just released from the county joint where I served 9 months for some shit I'd rather not get into right now. A bunch of bullshit if you ask me. Let's just say, one thing led to another, and I wound up on the sex offender registry. Look, I'm not into any fucked up kiddie shit or anything like that. Basically, I like to drive around in my used church van and beat off to hot skanks and the occasional white trash fattie. And I don't give one good god damn fuck what you people think about that.

Anyway, you can probably guess that I'm out of work. I lost my job from the tool and die plant when I got tossed in the slammer. So today I rolled out of the rack at noon and made an appointment with one of those bullshit menial job finder agencies and met with some hot as balls slut in her mid 30s. You know the kind. Smoker. Bleach blonde hair. Long, skanky fingernails. Tons of makeup. Probably gets beat by her husband and takes it up the ass.

So she says to me: "Dickbag, I'll do what I can to get you into something ASAP, but I feel you could really benefit from doing some volunteer work in the meantime. It'll look great on a resume, and you'll feel good about yourself."

I stared this cunt dead in the eye, with a cold and dark look, tapped my finger down on the table with authority, and said: "I don't do jack fucking shit for ANYONE unless I get PAID."

At that moment her jaw dropped. People say that as an expression, but her jaw literally dropped open. Immediately, my mind raced to thoughts of jamming my dick down her sultry little cancer throat. I then took it upon myself to whip out my cell phone and take a picture of her mouth ajar, so I could lie on my twin mattress later and jerk off to it. And I pulled it off with seasoned perverted precision.

At that point I stood up, extended my hand, and said, "I think we're through here." She just sat there with a blank stare on her face.

"Ah, fuckit, " I said. I withdrew my hand and stormed out of her office.

The bad news: I'm still unemployed.

The good news: Tonight I will be beating the FUCK OFF.

[Shlomart Ben Yisrael]

A-

[Cyrus]

I don't do jack fucking shit for ANYONE unless I get PAID.

Fucking RACK!

Sin,

[War Wagon]

At that moment her jaw dropped. People say that as an expression, but her jaw literally dropped open. Immediately, my mind raced to thoughts of jamming my dick down her sultry little cancer throat. I then took it upon myself to whip out my cell phone and take a picture of her mouth ajar, so I could lie on my twin mattress later and jerk off to it. And I pulled it off with seasoned perverted precision.

[smackaholic]

another shit troll. just what this sordid clambake needs.

[Shlomart Ben Yisrael]

another shit troll. just what this sordid clambake needs.

DB is a solid dude. I will vouch for him.

[smackaholic]

another shit troll. just what this sordid clambake needs.

DB is a solid dude. I will vouch for him.

I 'spose you vouched for 'husker, too.

[DC Smackmaster]

RACK!

[Screw_Michigan]

another shit troll. just what this sordid clambake needs.

Thanks for once again proving yourself too fucking stupid to appreciate a well, but rarely played, character troll.

[War Wagon]

of the entire effort, the "twin mattress" part was the most brilliant.

I haven't the time, skill, or desire to troll, but Rack Dickbag for having all three.

[MgoBlue-LightSpecial]

I haven't the time, skill, or desire to troll...

I can buy the last two.