The One Autopsy

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Tue May 02, 2017 12:57 am

Just an unofficial post-mortem from the spectator's gallery.

"It was murder, Sam"

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Tue May 02, 2017 12:58 am

Also, the last one here...please hit the lights. 88 is still paying the utilities bill until the end of the month.

Wolfman · Post by **Wolfman** » Tue May 02, 2017 1:45 am

Not sure of the average life span of these boards, but I'm guessing there is one. When there is more traffic on .net than here, I also sense impending doom. I've been through a few "extinctions" and probably will see a few more before I become extinct. So be it.

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Tue May 02, 2017 10:12 am

Roach wrote:You and Smackie need to keep the music playing.

Excellent idea.

I'll just be over here...re-arranging some deck chairs if anyone needs me....

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Tue May 02, 2017 1:34 pm

Wolfman wrote:When there is more traffic on .net than here

Further evidence of the dumbing down of America.

Bucmonkey · Post by **Bucmonkey** » Tue May 02, 2017 7:57 pm

There are other troll boards??

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Tue May 02, 2017 8:00 pm

Bucmonkey wrote:There are other troll boards??

No. Willie is just trooling you.

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Tue May 02, 2017 9:19 pm

Papa Willie wrote:
Goobs is about to say something. I can feel it.

He's just putting the moves on you. My recommendation is to NOT drink from any open beverages he offers you...

...unless you want to wake up walking funny.

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Tue May 02, 2017 10:49 pm

Shlomart Ben Yisrael wrote:
Papa Willie wrote:
Goobs is about to say something. I can feel it.

He's just putting the moves on you. My recommendation is to NOT drink from any open beverages he offers you...

...unless you want to wake up walking funny.

I'm pretty sure he already walks funny.

MgoBlue-LightSpecial · Tue May 02, 2017 11:33 pm

Guys, this is really hard for me, so I'll just come right out and say it...

i've been messing around with another board. I didn't intend for that to happen, it just...happened.

I just want you all to know that it's not you, it's me.

Ah who am I kidding. It's you. It's definitely you.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Wed May 03, 2017 3:41 pm

The other board undoubtedly had a large black cock.

Innocent Bystander · Post by **Innocent Bystander** » Wed May 03, 2017 4:30 pm

What is with the obsession with Negro penis? It's even worse at .net -- and they ruin it further by being obsessed with controlling white women's sexuality, and punishing them when they cannot.

If black penis didn't exist, you assholes would make it up. Might as well... Kenyon and Arch are the only AfrAm men around anymore, but you'd think Negro penis flips y'alls pancakes and changes your oil.

Y'all grown. Y'all need to act like it.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Wed May 03, 2017 4:56 pm

Innocent Bystander wrote:If black penis didn't exist, you assholes would make it up.

If black penis didn't exist, you wouldn't exist.

And I say to myself, "what a wonderful world".

MgoBlue-LightSpecial · Wed May 03, 2017 5:41 pm

Innocent Bystander wrote:What is with the obsession with Negro penis? It's even worse at .net -- and they ruin it further by being obsessed with controlling white women's sexuality, and punishing them when they cannot.

If black penis didn't exist, you assholes would make it up. Might as well... Kenyon and Arch are the only AfrAm men around anymore, but you'd think Negro penis flips y'alls pancakes and changes your oil.

Y'all grown. Y'all need to act like it.

Repressed sexual desire often comes out in the form of humor.

But let's not act like everyone here is obsessed with black cock. Maybe only three out of the nine posters are. That's not tooooooo bad.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Wed May 03, 2017 7:05 pm

Roach wrote:Maybe it's insecurity and the need to compensate, same reason we drive big pickup trucks.

That would explain why I drive one of these:

War Wagon · Post by **War Wagon** » Wed May 03, 2017 7:37 pm

88 wrote:The lights will be on at this joint as long as there are people who wish to participate in CFB Pickem. If you guys want to do it with a mute main board, that is your prerogative.

I sat out last year but intend to play this year. Just not easy to be real interested in BTPCFB when your team would lose to the NW MO ST Spoof Hounds. Be that as it may, I've always enjoyed the pickem game that's run so well.

Me? I've basically run out of shit to say.

Same here for the most part. I've grown quite sick of the political bickering, racial stereotyping, etc. there really isn't much left that to be said.

About the only thing left worth talking about is the nasty, rainy weather. I'm watching the southern half of my beloved State of Misery being washed somewhere downstream. I can take solace in that it's not hit KC nearly as much but we're still drenched.

I cleaned out the gutters on my house between T-storms yesterday, always a delightful task. Does anybody have those gutter covers that are advertised so incessantly? Do they work and are worth the cost? I'm getting too damn old to be climbing ladders and scooting around on roof tops anymore.

Hell, it's all I can do to keep the damned water logged grass mowed these days. But when I do, I always discharge as much grass clipping as possible into the street, hoping to defile the next $75k SUV that drives by.

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Wed May 03, 2017 8:22 pm

Goober McTuber wrote:
Roach wrote:Maybe it's insecurity and the need to compensate, same reason we drive big pickup trucks.
That would explain why I drive one of these:

"Fucking over-sized, American gas guzzler monster-truck!"

Sincerely,

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Wed May 03, 2017 8:26 pm

Goober McTuber wrote:
That would explain why I drive one of these:

P.S. Did Screwey extend his lease on your dome? Because I'm looking for a summer place...

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Wed May 03, 2017 8:30 pm

trev...think about it...August in Goob's dome...just me, you and a heart-shaped jacuzzi...

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Wed May 03, 2017 8:38 pm

Oh, and Mgo, if you're up in Casa Del Goober's Dome anytime soon, tell José the greenskeeper I appreciate him fishing my sand wedge out of the pond and Fed Ex'ing it to me.

Now THAT'S service.

Casa Del Goober's Dome. Where memories are made.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Wed May 03, 2017 8:41 pm

Shlomart Ben Yisrael wrote:
Goober McTuber wrote:
That would explain why I drive one of these:
P.S. Did Screwey extend his lease on your dome?

What on earth does the dearly departed Screwball have to do with this discussion?

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Wed May 03, 2017 8:46 pm

And really, Marty, where in this little thread does anyone appear to be in anyone's dome? You and Moving Sale are what's wrong with this board.

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Wed May 03, 2017 9:22 pm

Your 'sessing is depressing.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Wed May 03, 2017 11:07 pm

Goober McTuber wrote:
Roach wrote:Maybe it's insecurity and the need to compensate, same reason we drive big pickup trucks.
That would explain why I drive one of these:

Long before I was born, and before they moved to the US, my parents had an Isetta (they hated the Germans with a passion... something about that whole bombing their homes thing... but port-war, Beemers were cheap).

Besides the whole "nightmarish death trap" thing, I guess it was pretty cool.

Wags -- the gutter-cover things seem to suck. But I've seen people put rolled up rabbit/chicken wire along the length, which doesn't keep the gutters clean, but keeps them flowing (we deal with many, many times more leaves/needles than you do, but much, much less heavy downpours). The cleanout-thingamajigs on the downspouts are pretty $$$, as well.

And it's 80 fucking degrees and sunny, after the wettest winter/early spring on record. Was 7 months of soggy misery. High of low-50's Monday (freakishly low for this time of year), and now 80 and a hint of muggy -- I think I'm having a heatstroke or something.

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Thu May 04, 2017 12:17 am

When did being a card carrying asshole become a requirement for BMW ownership? I think it was during the Carter administration.

I suspect your folks drove an Isetta for the same reason anyone did then, they were broke ass.

War Wagon · Post by **War Wagon** » Thu May 04, 2017 12:49 am

Dinsdale wrote: Wags -- the gutter-cover things seem to suck. But I've seen people put rolled up rabbit/chicken wire along the length, which doesn't keep the gutters clean, but keeps them flowing (we deal with many, many times more leaves/needles than you do, but much, much less heavy downpours). The cleanout-thingamajigs on the downspouts are pretty $$$, as well.

And it's 80 fucking degrees and sunny, after the wettest winter/early spring on record. Was 7 months of soggy misery. High of low-50's Monday (freakishly low for this time of year), and now 80 and a hint of muggy -- I think I'm having a heatstroke or something.

<---sniff... wipes eyes --- Dins, that is most likely the 1st time in 12 years you've lobbed more than one sentence in my direction that wasn't the least bit sarcastic and/or gratuitously insulting. We must be at the end of days. I don't know if to be appreciative or gypped - so I'll be both and call it all good.

I thought as much about the gutter covers, as well. The latest installment of TV commercials shows a close-up of water running down a roof, over the cover, and innocently enough into the gutter... all while apparently dry leafs blow harmlessly over the top. I ain't buying it.

And of course I know that U & L trees are gargantuan compared to flyover trees but the gutters fill up just as fast

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Thu May 04, 2017 1:02 am

Sorry, bro... didn't mean to shirk my duties...

you dong-smoking piece of crap.

Dr_Phibes · Post by **Dr_Phibes** » Thu May 04, 2017 3:07 am

Found it odd that the most prolific 'smackers' were the first to go in the face of Scott's devastating onslaught. A regular Waterloo, don't like it stuck up 'em.

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Thu May 04, 2017 3:38 am

Apparently, John Lennon's foul dumps at the BBC studios restrooms were so infamous, the staff would refer to him as "Zyklon Beatle".

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Thu May 04, 2017 2:56 pm

Dr_Phibes wrote:Found it odd that the most prolific 'smackers' were the first to go in the face of Scott's devastating onslaught. A regular Waterloo, don't like it stuck up 'em.

So this is all Scott's fault? I see that he is no longer an admin? I must have missed something.

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Fri May 05, 2017 10:56 pm

I'm just glad Van isn't around anymore to witness T1B's current, shabby state...

:(

Miss ya', buddy....

:cry:

BSmack · Post by **BSmack** » Fri May 05, 2017 11:02 pm

We should all play a Stevie Ray Vaughan song.

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Fri May 05, 2017 11:05 pm

...and I told myself I wasn't going to cry...

:cry:

Smackie Chan · Post by **Smackie Chan** » Sat May 06, 2017 12:21 am

BSmack wrote:We should all play a Stevie Ray Vaughan song.

On it.

And not only Texas blues, but I'll take it south of the border to celebrate Cinco de Mayo tonight in TuneTown.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled autopsy.

War Wagon · Post by **War Wagon** » Sat May 06, 2017 12:32 am

Smackie Chan wrote:
BSmack wrote:We should all play a Stevie Ray Vaughan song.
On it.

I'll be there, looking forward to the SRV.

And while I usually send specific requests via PM, I'll put this one up here for all to see and thus know whom to blame.

Blood, Sweat and Tears - Spinning Wheel

It's been that kind of week at work

War Wagon · Post by **War Wagon** » Sat May 06, 2017 12:37 am

Shlomart Ben Yisrael wrote:...and I told myself I wasn't going to cry...

Upon further review, Marty will always be a convenient target to blame.

BSmack · Post by **BSmack** » Sat May 06, 2017 12:40 am

War Wagon wrote:
Shlomart Ben Yisrael wrote:...and I told myself I wasn't going to cry...
Upon further review, Marty will always be a convenient target to blame.

Of course, the Jewish guy gets blamed.

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Sat May 06, 2017 10:56 am

If you moved to KC, would you be KC Bri, or KC $mack?

BSmack · Post by **BSmack** » Sat May 06, 2017 11:03 am

Probably be something that speaks to the culture of the area. Maybe something to do with NASCAR. Or barbecue.

Innocent Bystander · Post by **Innocent Bystander** » Sat May 06, 2017 9:04 pm

So he logged on to look around, but didn't say anything in public?

His choice. He'd been trying to wean himself from places like this for years. The college board may or may not present the non-toxic environment he is looking for. I don't know. Seventeen years, a lot more choices out there to spend one's time at. He'll make the choice that's right for him.