DVD Review: Big Trouble

[Raoul Duke]

Dave Barry is a hack.
He does the same fucking joke over and over again, and then, just for fun, rephrases the same fucking joke another eight times.
Tim Allen is a hack
He turned a bad gorilla imitation and power tools into millions of dollars, and he really should return the money to all the mouth breathers he stole from.
So, imagine my fucking delight that there was a movie starring Tim Allen, and based on a book by Dave Barry. Fucking Bliss.
Big Trouble was a comedy about kidnappings, assassinations, plane hijackings, and nuclear bombs. It was originally supposed to debut on Sept 12, 2001. Geez, who wouldn't want to see that? Five months later, it was put out in the theatre, where it lasted as long as crack at a Dave Chappelle party.
Set in Miami, Tim Allen plays an ex-reporter, Rene Russo plays the trophy wife to Stanley Tucco, and there's Puddy, and Janeane Garafalo, and Johnny Knoxville, and Tom Sizemore, and a bunch of fuckbags. Dennis Farina, (the bad guy from Midnight Run) is criminally underused. The best bit comes from Farina turning on a Sports Talk show host, to hear the bleetings from the host and Florida Gator Fan. The best part of the movie is that its short, maybe an hour 15 minutes.
D-

[The Assassin]

Saw it years ago. It was ehhhhhhhh.