any gardeners here?

War Wagon · Post by **War Wagon** » Tue May 10, 2011 1:08 am

If I had a green thumb, I'd probably find a way to smash it with a hammer. But wifey insisted that we put some tomato plants in this year and who was I to argue on mothers day? But I've been down this road before. Gardens are invariably more trouble than they're worth. Need a tomato? They sell them at the store 2 for a dollar.

That said, I worked up a good sweat digging up a patch of dirt for her to get her green on and she planted a dozen of those vines that I'll have to mow around for the next 3 months.

Question for any of you dorks who actually are gardeners, do you stake or cage these unruly beasts? They recommend you do so on the package, but I don't know. My mom used to grow some mighty fine tomatoes and just let 'em grow out, said staking them was strangling them.

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Tue May 10, 2011 1:16 am

Cage 'em.

I gave up staking 3 years ago. Too easy for branches to snap in a strong wind or the fruit to droop.
Always keep the bottom clear (prevent rot) and snap the suckers off.

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Tue May 10, 2011 1:17 am

P.S. I'm doing my "big dig" this weekend.

War Wagon · Post by **War Wagon** » Tue May 10, 2011 1:49 am

How very proletariot of you, comrade Marty.

Less see, cages were like $2.87 ea. at Walmart X 12 = more than it would cost to buy a whole bushel of tomatoes at the market.

I think I'll "accidentally" run over them with the mower next week.

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Tue May 10, 2011 1:53 am

You won't really enjoy a delicious tomato unless you grow it yourself in God's bountiful earth.

War Wagon · Post by **War Wagon** » Tue May 10, 2011 1:59 am

No matter how much it actually cost.

Oh well, I've wasted money on worse and if it gets her off Poker Stars for 5 minutes a day, well spent I reckon. Cages it is.

Screw_Michigan · Post by **Screw_Michigan** » Tue May 10, 2011 2:08 am

War Wagon wrote:Oh well, I've wasted money on worse and if it gets her off Poker Stars for 5 minutes a day, well spent I reckon. Cages it is.

A fool and his money are soon parted?

Imus · Post by **Imus** » Tue May 10, 2011 2:10 am

Martyred wrote:You won't really enjoy a delicious tomato unless you grow it yourself in God's bountiful earth.

So the garden would have to be down here in the USA. You been sneaking around out of your country comrade?

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Tue May 10, 2011 2:13 am

Imus wrote:
Martyred wrote:You won't really enjoy a delicious tomato unless you grow it yourself in God's bountiful earth.
So the garden would have to be down here in the USA. You been sneaking around out of your country comrade?

I love the U.S.A.

Just try to keep the place tidy when we finally roll in and take over.

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Tue May 10, 2011 2:23 am

War Wagon wrote:How very proletariot of you, comrade Marty.

Less see, cages were like $2.87 ea. at Walmart X 12 = more than it would cost to buy a whole bushel of tomatoes at the market.

I think I'll "accidentally" run over them with the mower next week.

Pretty easy to make your own cages if you want to, and they're a lot better than any store bought cages.

Get a few sheets or a small roll of welded concrete reinforcing wire, bend it into a cylinder and hook it together.
You'll end up with 5 foot tall cages that will last forever.

http://www.motherearthnews.com/Organic- ... -Mesh.aspx

Bizzarofelice · Post by **Bizzarofelice** » Tue May 10, 2011 3:48 am

War Wagon wrote:How very proletariot of you, comrade Marty.

Less see, cages were like $2.87 ea. at Walmart X 12 = more than it would cost to buy a whole bushel of tomatoes at the market.

I think I'll "accidentally" run over them with the mower next week.

tomato from backyard tastes different from one from hy-vee

Go Coogs' · Post by **Go Coogs'** » Tue May 10, 2011 4:29 am

Been thinking about some small garden boxes for cucumbers and tomatoes. My lemon and lime trees seem to be doing well, so I might as well try something new. I'd rather do it after I install a sprinkler system. Ditch witching can suck.

BSmack · Post by **BSmack** » Tue May 10, 2011 12:28 pm

War Wagon wrote:No matter how much it actually cost.

Oh well, I've wasted money on worse and if it gets her off Poker Stars for 5 minutes a day, well spent I reckon. Cages it is.

Spreadsheet update: Wags' wife is a poker addict.

Discuss amongst yourselves.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Tue May 10, 2011 1:51 pm

War Wagon wrote:That said, I worked up a good sweat digging up a patch of dirt for her to get her green on and she planted a dozen of those vines that I'll have to mow around for the next 3 months.

A dozen tomato plants is a lot of tomatoes. I put in half that many, we eat a shitload of tomatoes, and we still give away at least half of them. I always put in one cherry/grape tomato plant, those suckers are good for snacks or salads. And an early fruiting plant like an Early Girl. At least one beefsteak tomato for making BLTs. We also make tomato salads – sliced tomato, fresh mozzarella and black olives dressed with a vinaigrette.

Make sure you water them several times a week. Hopefully your soil ph is good, I’ve had to add a little lime to my soil to avoid blossom end rot. One tip I got a few years back, was to put down newspaper (3 or 4 sheets deep) over the garden and then mulch over the top of that. Helps to keep down weed growth and maintain moisture in the soil, and by the start of the next season the paper has completely broken down .

And there is no comparison between a fresh-picked tomato from your garden versus a store bought tomato that has been engineered for long shelf life. And yes, cage the plants. I found some square collapsible cages last year that are pretty slick.

War Wagon · Post by **War Wagon** » Tue May 10, 2011 3:50 pm

That seems like good advice, Goobs. I will put down some newspaper and mulch and get some cages, either store bought or homemade like some of the ideas here. I work in a metal fab shop that has all kinds of materials just going in the scrap bins, I'm sure I can scrounge something usable from that.

About the soil ph, how do you know if you need to add lime or not? And if you do need lime, do you just spread it on top or do you have to mix it in?

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Tue May 10, 2011 4:27 pm

You mix the lime in, preferably asap. I think most garden shops sell some cheap little ph tester. Those garden shop people can be very informative, and probably know general soil conditions in your area.

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Tue May 10, 2011 4:46 pm

If you find one of these on your tomato plant, leave it alone, they are beneficial.

I hear that they're delicious deep fried, though.

Terry in Crapchester · Tue May 10, 2011 7:55 pm

Can't give any advice on a tomato garden.

But if you want a flower garden, one word: tulips. In the fall, you dig a hole a couple inches deep, drop the bulb in, and cover it back up. Mother nature does the rest. They come up like clockwork every May. You can't possibly fuck them up.

The only downside is that they're gone by the time June rolls around.

JSC810 wrote:I had to stay in the hospital about a week . . .

A short stay this time, eh?

Atomic Punk · Post by **Atomic Punk** » Tue May 10, 2011 8:20 pm

Wags, what I do is use empty plastic Scoop Away litter buckets and drill very small holes at the base so the soil doesn't drain with the water and use Patio Plus soil for the plants. Then I put the cages inside the buckets so I can move the buckets around as needed.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Tue May 10, 2011 8:23 pm

Atomic Punk wrote:Wags, what I do is use empty plastic Scoop Away litter buckets and drill very small holes at the base so the soil doesn't drain with the water and use Patio Plus soil for the plants. Then I put the cages inside the buckets so I can move the buckets around as needed.

Yeah, well, some of us have a fucking yard.

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Tue May 10, 2011 8:36 pm

Goober McTuber wrote:
Yeah, well, some of us have a fucking yard.

My OL would never go for that, even though we have pretty good privacy.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Tue May 10, 2011 8:40 pm

Mikey wrote:
Goober McTuber wrote:
Yeah, well, some of us have a fucking yard.
My OL would never go for that, even though we have pretty good privacy.

What a fucking prude.

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Tue May 10, 2011 11:31 pm

jeeebus chip, if you ever do finally die or get healthy, half the medical field in lousy anna is gonna go bankrupt.

as for tomatos, marty is right. store bought tomatos taste almost as good as cardboard. there are few things in life better than a slice of freshly picked tomater on a piece of good bread with a little miracle whip and some pepper.

it really is a shame marty that tomatos like it hot and dry which kinda rules out 99% of the miserable frozen wasteland you inhabit.

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Tue May 10, 2011 11:55 pm

smackaholic wrote: it really is a shame marty that tomatos like it hot and dry which kinda rules out 99% of the miserable frozen wasteland you inhabit.

Global warming is coming, dumbass. We will corner the ketchup market and have Americans come crawling to us on their hands and knees. You will be like helpless baby ducklings in our grip.

This is what life will be like for you...

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Wed May 11, 2011 12:02 am

Fuckin' scared, right? I thought so, bitches.

You probably already wet yourselves, so I'll understand if you need a bathroom break.

Don't step to me OR CANADA! Beatdowns are free and plentiful in the Great White North.

War Wagon · Post by **War Wagon** » Wed May 11, 2011 12:08 am

Rack Marty

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Wed May 11, 2011 1:39 am

smackaholic wrote:there are few things in life better than a slice of freshly picked tomater on a piece of good bread with a little miracle whip and some pepper.

Jesus Christ, Miracle Whip? There's few things worse you could put on any piece of food. Might as well add a cup of sugar to Screwball's mop squeezings. You'd probably get a similar condoment. Fuck.

mvscal · Post by **mvscal** » Wed May 11, 2011 1:52 am

Goober McTuber wrote:We also make tomato salads – sliced tomato, fresh mozzarella and black olives dressed with a vinaigrette.

Don't forget fresh basil leaves.

War Wagon · Post by **War Wagon** » Wed May 11, 2011 2:14 am

Goober McTuber wrote:condoment.

Spelling smack?

Hell yes.

War Wagon · Post by **War Wagon** » Wed May 11, 2011 2:20 am

btw..

Goober McTuber wrote: A dozen tomato plants is a lot of tomatoes.

I was going the carpet bomb route. Some might survive.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Wed May 11, 2011 2:42 am

War Wagon wrote:
Goober McTuber wrote:condoment.
Spelling smack?

Hell yes.

That was intentionally misspelled, due to the subject matter.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Wed May 11, 2011 2:43 am

mvscal wrote:
Goober McTuber wrote:We also make tomato salads – sliced tomato, fresh mozzarella and black olives dressed with a vinaigrette.

Don't forget fresh basil leaves.

I wear them behind my ears all the time.

Yes, fresh basil leaves are always welcome.

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Wed May 11, 2011 3:06 am

Goober McTuber wrote:
mvscal wrote:
Goober McTuber wrote:We also make tomato salads – sliced tomato, fresh mozzarella and black olives dressed with a vinaigrette.

Don't forget fresh basil leaves.
I wear them behind my ears all the time.

Yes, fresh basil leaves are always welcome.

A nice caprese salad is always fresh.

My favorite Saturday lunch, all of which I can usually get (when tomatoes are in season) at the local Saturday morning Farmer's Market:

Heirloom or other freshly picked tomatoes
Greek olives
Manouri cheese, crumbled (a traditional Greek sheep's milk cheese...kind of like feta but much less salty and a lot creamier)
A good EVOO poured over the first three ingredients
A crusty French or Italian style rustic bread
Sometimes, a dash of balsamic

You have to get a little bit of each in every bite. Amazing.

ucantdoitdoggieSTyle2 · Wed May 11, 2011 12:51 pm

Toddowen wrote:I've never felt the urge to kill as strongly as that morning of the discovery.

And sadly, you're still with us.

indyfrisco · Post by **indyfrisco** » Wed May 11, 2011 4:51 pm

I'd never waste my time with a garden. Too many people around here have them and bring all the shit they don't eat into work. I get as much onions, potatoes, turnips, corn, tomatoes, jalapenos, green peppers, squash and zuchinni as I want around harvest time. In fact, I can a shitload of other people's produce for myself.

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Wed May 11, 2011 11:52 pm

KC Scott wrote:
...personnal revelations...

Scott making the rounds at the Personal Info Database...

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Thu May 12, 2011 12:25 am

KC Scott wrote:
IndyFrisco wrote:I'd never waste my time with a garden. .
wurd.

I noticed a lot of the contributer in this thread also offered personnal revelations in the manscaping thread.

Mancrush on ucant says what?

MgoBlue-LightSpecial · Thu May 12, 2011 12:58 am

smackaholic wrote:there are few things in life better than a slice of freshly picked tomater on a piece of good bread with a little miracle whip and some pepper.

Jiminy fucking assballs, how do you mention fresh, home grown tomatoes in the same sentence as Miracle Whip?

I'm going to spread this thread across my garden and enjoy a delicious meal.

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Thu May 12, 2011 12:59 am

Not fears, Scott.

Concerns.

mvscal · Post by **mvscal** » Thu May 12, 2011 1:44 am

KC Scott wrote:I noticed a lot of the contributer in this thread also offered personnal revelations in the manscaping thread.

Observations which you have, no doubt, carefully collated into a splash proof binder for frequent reference.